Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Early Pregnancy Symptoms or Over Active Brain?

5dpo- vague lower abdominal cramping (like I normally get 2-3 days before AF), DD mentions a different taste and smell "down there", lots of milky CM.

6dpo- vague cramping continues, temp dip, lots of milky CM, increased sex drive (like during the fertile/ovulation phase). Tested out HCG trigger- negative.

7dpo- vague cramping continues, some left side twinges (CL?), lower backache, skin break out, peeing like crazy, good temp rise after yesterdays dip, still a wet feeling but less noticeable CM.

I can technically test in 7 days at 14 days past IUI... but part of me wants to wait until 17 days past since that was the length of my LP last cycle... With my first baby I tested at 18dpo... after 18 sustained high temps because I was young and when my RE said "if your temp is up for 18 days you are probably pregnant", so I didn't even consider testing before then. My 2nd baby was a bit unexpected as I'd not had a postpartum AF yet, so I was 6 weeks in (and extremely smell sensitive) before I tested. Baby number 3 I tested on the day AF was due and got a faint positive.

I'm trying to hold out. :-) I know anything before 10dpo is silly to test. My brain tells me to wait until at least 14dpo and my not wanting to be crushed says wait until 17dpo if temp is still up then test...

Monday, February 20, 2012

Things Crazy Infertiles Do...

When DD and I married, we figured a baby would be soon to follow. I'm not sure why I was that naive... I knew from previous experience (12 medicated fertility cycles) with baby girl #1 that I don't make babies easily. Perhaps the 12 years in between dulled my memory. Baby girl #2 followed on the heels of her slow in arriving sister with conception from my first post baby ovulation (11 months old, still breastfeeding) and then refused to move out despite her ginormous size and obvious lack of space. Baby girl #3 required 6 cycles of medicated fertility cycles following 6 months non medicated TTC after a spontaneous pregnancy and early miscarriage (chemical pregnancy).

Since my baby is now 7 years and 1 month old, we can count my last conception to 7 years and 10 months ago.

And, grown up me thought this time would be a walk in the park.

As soon as the ink dried on our marriage certificate, I began purchasing maternity clothes (used)... I justified that I couldn't pass up the great prices and surely I'd be pregnant any day now.

Then I started buying my cloth diaper system. I was convinced that I wanted Flip diapers and decided I'd accumulate my stash by the time the baby arrived without feeling any financial pain (1 or 2 a month and we would be good to go). Jenny over at What the Blog? has made me ponder multiples and a simple diaper strategy vs one size Flips...

One day I happened to be in the cute little baby boutique and consignment shop and came across a fabulous PPB nappy bag. It was $50 (retail $200). So, of course, I was obligated to snatch it up!

I may or not have purchased numerous cute bodysuits and a certain black and hot pink rockstar tutu... and maybe a couple of cute dress shoe/booties from a certain daily deal site.

There is also the possibility that I have a card stashed away to help share the exciting news with DD...

A few months back, I gave away most of my maternity clothes stash to DD's co-teacher (who has since already delivered that baby). My thinking was that it might help my mojo to divest my closet of big bellied clothing.

Then a short while later, a friend had a darling little angel girl and I stuffed a goodie bag with several of the darling bodysuits, tutu, and shoes.

I still have my diapers stashed away (and growing)... and a few other odds and ends.

I can't stay out of baby stores... possibly because I run an in home childcare and always need something for the littles I care for... possibly because I love babies... possibly because it's become an obsession...

Today I discovered I have three happy, fat eggs waiting to pop and do the happy dance with DD's sperm... what do I do? I start reading triplet blogs. The last cycle that I had 3 happy, fat eggs (of which none turned into a baby), I was researching triplet strollers and insurance. (I did find out that in the state of CA you can buy AFLAC insurance AFTER you are pregnant...and you don't have to live there to do that... good news for those carrying more than one baby.)

My brain knows that the likelihood that one egg will meet up with sperm is lowish... the likelihood that all three will... well, that's almost ridiculous given our history. Don't get me wrong, the prospect of triplets scares the bejeebers out of me, but it's also slightly exciting... maybe it's something only infertiles understand... 3 babies is certainly better than 0.

I'm ridiculous... I know. This cycle will probably end like the others... without a healthy pregnancy. But I can't help being a bit optimistic.

It's a GO

Today is CD12. Scan revealed 3 nice follicles. There is a 27mm biggie on the right and two on the left at 18 & 21mm. We came home and DD gave me the trigger shot. I think the shot stings a bit* but is really no big deal... (keep in mind, I'm one of the tough girls... high pain threshold).

Dr. Awesome asked me before the scan which ovary I thought was going... I said, both... my right and left have both been giving me pain but that yesterday my left out stepped my right a bit on the tenderness scale. After looking, he said "you sure know your ovaries".

He then went on to joke about triplets. How it'd be a walk in the park with all my other help at home... I could just lounge in my silk bed and let the older kids hold babies and bring them to me for nursing rotation. :-) I then added in how my body likes to keep my babies in forever so they'd come out nice and big... Dr. A said, yep 9 pounders around! Haha... as if.

I'm not too worried about getting triplets although I know there's a chance... but I've had 3 follicles before and didn't get even one to fertilize.

This is it... I'm feeling good. I feel really positive about this cycle. I know that in a couple days the HCG will kick in and I'll start to feel pregnant and my emotions will be all over the place, but for today, I feel positive. 1, 2, or 3... we will be thrilled and deal with whatever. DD may have a stroke, but we will get through. :-)

IUI at 9:45 AM tomorrow, 2/21/12. Praying like a mad woman! (BTW, we've been good at spacing BD so that we have a good swimmer count... BD on CD10, IUI on CD13, then BD at will).

*DD just disclosed to me that the reason my belly fat is feeling a bit stingy and bruised is because he {oops} pulled the syringe out at an angle and it kind of popped out... think needle dragging sideways instead of going straight in and out. Hmmmm... that explains the discomfort. Praying we don't have to get better at giving shots.

Keep in mind, this is the man that was worried about stabbing my intestines "or something"... my snorted response was "have you seen my belly fat?". It's just a little bruise people. Nothing to get excited about.

Oh, and the gas has started. Is it just me... right before ovulation I get GASSY. Not stinky like... just a lot of bloat and pressure and gas like a tire leak... I'm just saying...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Cycle 4 Marches On... Hormones & Moods

Today is CD7 and I took my last dose of Clomid (150mg) today. My Pregnyl will arrive Friday. Monday (CD12), we go back to the clinic for a scan which will decide whether we trigger that day or wait a bit longer.

I've been a hormonal, emotional mess... it seems to get worse with each cycle (build up of medications?) and with the addition of HCG last cycle. I'm weepy... for the last week or so of my cycle I couldn't have a rational conversation... everything was overwhelming.

Anyway... time marches on... funds are dwindling. I'm pretty sure this is our last cycle for a while. I'll know more once the cycle is finished and I can look at the remaining funds. Either way, we will be taking a treatment break soon while we regroup and save. I feel like October will be the earliest we could tackle a fertility cycle again.

I'm really feeling the call to foster parenting. DD isn't convinced yet... but I think we may start tackling certification soon. Perhaps, my love for children is the very reason we haven't conceived... perhaps, God's plan is for us to love the orphans. I'm good with that.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Cycle 4 Begins

Today is CD1... the start of our next cycle. We are going with the same routine as last cycle... baseline scan on CD3, clomid CD3-7, monitoring scan on CD12, Pregnyl 10,000 trigger injection when follicles are big and happy, followed by IUI 24 hours later.

The good news... we took in Devoted Daddy's swimmers for a check up on Monday, everything looks spiffy and we are good to go for this cycle... we just know that the 3 day abstinence is a MUST.

I'm still going for weekly acupuncture... I feel like I am getting more relaxed during treatment... almost like a heaviness over me, but I'm still semi-aware. Today, I didn't open my eyes at all during the treatment but I do remember sounds around me. It was a nice feeling.

I must say... the HCG trigger gave me some interesting PMS symptoms. My new cycle started 18 days post trigger (17 days post O)... so, my LP was longer than normal (could this be due to the higher progesterone with multiple follicles?). My ability to cope was limited the last few days to week... it's just not a good time to have a serious conversation with me. My sense of smell was heightened to an almost ridiculous level. I was tired... all the time.

I tested out the HCG shot on CD4 and CD5 with a digital test (I had freebies from my ovulation packs here). CD4 proclaimed "pregnant" (when I knew otherwise, evil device!)... CD5 was correct with "not pregnant". I tested again at CD11 and CD12 with First Response Early Tests... just in case we managed a miracle despite our low swimmer count... they were both negative, of course. When my LP reached 16 days, I was hopeful that I was in for a late positive... but my temp had dropped so I knew better.

Part of me wants to go on fertility vacation... quit worrying about it for a while. The practical part of me knows that I'm much to OCD and would still stalk my chart and obsess over the possibility... so it wouldn't be a break... it would just be no assistance.

That said... I'm surrounded by pregnant women lately. What's up with that??? Torture or signs of things to come... or just plain dumb luck...