It looks like we are PREGNANT. I can't believe I'm typing those words!!!! I know that it's early and a lot can still go wrong. This is the first time in 18 cycles that we've actually gotten fertilization. . . woohoo!
I tested yesterday at what I thought was 18dpo after having a negative at 15dpo. I got a lightish positive on my First Response Early Result (the most sensitive currently on the market). Dr. Awesome got me right in for a beta and progesterone draw. My beta came back at 18 and progesterone at 6.28. Both are on the low side. I started progesterone suppositories yesterday evening so hopefully they will nip that concern.
Beta #2 is tomorrow. . . praying for a double. What it looks like happened is that I actually ovulated later and was possibly only 9dpo yesterday. . .which is very early for a positive test. Either way, today I am 35 days since my last menstrual period. I'm "due" somewhere between Feb. 14 and 23rd depending on date of ovulation. Since I am a repeat c-section, I will have baby anywhere from Feb. 7-15th assuming we have a sticky baby in there!
Today, because I'm a crazy, sub-fertile woman, I pee'd on three more pregnancy tests. Yeah. . . I know. Another First Response Early Result from the 3 pack I bought yesterday and then 2 Dollar Tree Assured brand tests (they are less sensitive). All of them were positive although none of the lines were jumping out screaming. I'm taking that as a good sign that my numbers are increasing and tomorrow's beta will be happy news.
Here's my thinking on why my numbers aren't great. . . If I really did ovulate on CD25 instead of CD16 (my temp chart was wacky this cycle) then of course I would get a negative on CD31 and while CD34 was early at 9dpo, still possible to get a low HCG reading. If I had ovulated on CD16 and my little bean had started to implant but not been fully able to (chemical pregnancy), then I would have likely had my positive on CD31 and been negative (and bleeding) by now. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. I feel pregnant so I'm taking that as a good sign. . . I love being nauseated! :-)
In the meantime I'm going to remind myself to not complain about being tired, nauseated, having sore boobs, or any other pregnancy symptom. . . because it's all worth it and a gazillion times better than continuing in infertile land.
Let me just say. . . it's been 8 years since I've gotten a BFP. . . even the faintest hint of a line. I'm a giddy cow at this point!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Rapid Weight Loss and Fertility
This week marked my annual women's exam. . . I scheduled it with my RE at the fertility clinic since I don't have a gynecologist in this area and didn't really feel up to having yet another stranger poking around my girl bits.
Dr. Awesome positively gushed over my weight loss these last couple months. He said more times than I could count "rapid weight loss is usually a time of high fertility" and advised that we give things a few months before doing anymore treatment. He asked me to come in seven days after my next ovulation for a progesterone draw to make sure I'm having good ovulation on my own and if things are good. . . just hang out for a couple months and keep doing what we've been doing.
I *think* I'm glad that he doesn't have the same sense of impending doom that I do about being 35 at the end of this year. He is still confident that we can get pregnant without IVF, of course, we all know that there are people that defy all the odds and can't get pregnant despite everything looking great and I tend to be one of the lucky ones who Murphy follows around. . .
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy eating fat and watching my little ketosis sticks turn pink. I'm going to continue to exercise and get my body into it's healthiest place so that when baby does stick, I will be physically ready!
I just finished reading Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution, who knew that Paleo was so close to Atkins. . . dare I say that Dr. Atkins might have been the catalyst behind the Paleo movement. Of course, if you listen to people talk about Atkins it's obvious pretty quickly if they read the book (and follow it) or if they do their own modified version. It's really not a high fat or high protein diet. . . it's a low carb, adequate fat, adequate protein diet. I like it. For lunch I had an extra lean ground turkey burger (Thank you Costco) cooked in a bit of Kerrygold butter (grass fed, yum!) topped with some herb white cheddar and followed by a side of sauteed zucchini. Now I'm sipping iced coffee with heavy cream and Splenda (my one concession to not completely natural food). The fat in my foods help me feel full and satisfied. The iced (or blended) coffee helps me feel like I'm getting a treat. So far, I'm down 16.4 lbs and 19.5 inches!
Here's to a healthier me and prayerfully baby to be!
Dr. Awesome positively gushed over my weight loss these last couple months. He said more times than I could count "rapid weight loss is usually a time of high fertility" and advised that we give things a few months before doing anymore treatment. He asked me to come in seven days after my next ovulation for a progesterone draw to make sure I'm having good ovulation on my own and if things are good. . . just hang out for a couple months and keep doing what we've been doing.
I *think* I'm glad that he doesn't have the same sense of impending doom that I do about being 35 at the end of this year. He is still confident that we can get pregnant without IVF, of course, we all know that there are people that defy all the odds and can't get pregnant despite everything looking great and I tend to be one of the lucky ones who Murphy follows around. . .
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy eating fat and watching my little ketosis sticks turn pink. I'm going to continue to exercise and get my body into it's healthiest place so that when baby does stick, I will be physically ready!
I just finished reading Dr. Atkins' New Diet Revolution, who knew that Paleo was so close to Atkins. . . dare I say that Dr. Atkins might have been the catalyst behind the Paleo movement. Of course, if you listen to people talk about Atkins it's obvious pretty quickly if they read the book (and follow it) or if they do their own modified version. It's really not a high fat or high protein diet. . . it's a low carb, adequate fat, adequate protein diet. I like it. For lunch I had an extra lean ground turkey burger (Thank you Costco) cooked in a bit of Kerrygold butter (grass fed, yum!) topped with some herb white cheddar and followed by a side of sauteed zucchini. Now I'm sipping iced coffee with heavy cream and Splenda (my one concession to not completely natural food). The fat in my foods help me feel full and satisfied. The iced (or blended) coffee helps me feel like I'm getting a treat. So far, I'm down 16.4 lbs and 19.5 inches!
Here's to a healthier me and prayerfully baby to be!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Infertility Sucks. . .
It doesn't matter if you have no children or 12. . . not being able to conceive sucks. I know this, I have been subfertile my entire life. It took the assistance of an excellent R.E. to conceive my first child, so we can check primary infertility off the list. I had a hysterosalpinogram and charted temps and had my girl bits violated more times than I care to count. It took 12 medicated cycles to get a full term baby. It sucked. But, I was young (22) and hopeful. Looking back, I don't think the thought ever really occurred to me that it might not work. . . that I might end up without a baby in the belly that went on to become a baby in the arms. Something about getting knocked up and breastfeeding must have changed my body because 11 months in I was knocked up again. . .we had just started discussing visiting the R.E. again. . . I'd had ZERO menstrual cycles since our darling daughter was born. . . I had no clue I was fertile and evidently it only took that one ovulation. It was a less than ideal pregnancy, but who am I to complain, I was PREGNANT! Baby three was back to the drawing board, once again, I had no cycles for a looooooong time after baby #2. Darling daughter #3 stuck after 6 medicated cycles. Secondary infertility, check!
And here we are. . . seven years later.
I'm now 34. I've had D&C's, cervical cautery, cervical dilation (2x), dye through the tubes (clear!), and a laparoscopy to look for endo (none!) and clear up some adhesions (nasty!). I've given myself shots. I've popped pills. I've wept a river. I've turned into a near homicidal lunatic (sorry honey!). I've had catheters threaded through my scarred closed cervix (ouch!) to deposit my husbands goods. More ultrasounds than I can count. Painful, bloated ovaries (just when we are suppose to have sex and it HURTS!). I take my temperature every morning before I roll out of bed and dutifully record it at Fertility Friend. I analyze my charts for any sign that something is different this time. I deny my husband sex (every 2-3 days vs. daily, which is his preference) because we have to get the sperm count up (and then I ovulate late). I'm on the embryo donation list. I'm planning a consult for IVF (where I never thought I'd be). I'm running the numbers every possible way to see if there is some way we can drum up the $12k we will need for ONE attempt at IVF. 18 cycles. . . no baby. . . not even a chemical pregnancy which makes me think my eggs are rotten. I've wasted more money on OPK's and pregnancy tests than I care to count. . . because I'm crazy and can't wait until AF is late to test (although AF has routinely been 2-3 days late since we started medicated cycles, must be due to multiple ovulation). I've change my entire world. For 18 months I haven't taken anything other than Tylenol (Advil in the first two weeks of a cycle only!). I don't even take my allergy pills for fear they will dry up my cervical mucous (which isn't great folks!). I don't drink caffeine. I am not only gluten free. . . but now, I'm GRAIN FREE. That's right. . . I no longer eat any grains or refined sugars. I eat healthy real fats. I take my expensive whole food prenatal vitamins. I would never pick up a cigarette like that very pregnant lady in the purple shirt I saw at Safeway the other day.
Tertiary infertility. . . is there such a thing. . . check!
Then I hear how a friends 15 year old daughter is knocked up.
Awesome.
And here we are. . . seven years later.
I'm now 34. I've had D&C's, cervical cautery, cervical dilation (2x), dye through the tubes (clear!), and a laparoscopy to look for endo (none!) and clear up some adhesions (nasty!). I've given myself shots. I've popped pills. I've wept a river. I've turned into a near homicidal lunatic (sorry honey!). I've had catheters threaded through my scarred closed cervix (ouch!) to deposit my husbands goods. More ultrasounds than I can count. Painful, bloated ovaries (just when we are suppose to have sex and it HURTS!). I take my temperature every morning before I roll out of bed and dutifully record it at Fertility Friend. I analyze my charts for any sign that something is different this time. I deny my husband sex (every 2-3 days vs. daily, which is his preference) because we have to get the sperm count up (and then I ovulate late). I'm on the embryo donation list. I'm planning a consult for IVF (where I never thought I'd be). I'm running the numbers every possible way to see if there is some way we can drum up the $12k we will need for ONE attempt at IVF. 18 cycles. . . no baby. . . not even a chemical pregnancy which makes me think my eggs are rotten. I've wasted more money on OPK's and pregnancy tests than I care to count. . . because I'm crazy and can't wait until AF is late to test (although AF has routinely been 2-3 days late since we started medicated cycles, must be due to multiple ovulation). I've change my entire world. For 18 months I haven't taken anything other than Tylenol (Advil in the first two weeks of a cycle only!). I don't even take my allergy pills for fear they will dry up my cervical mucous (which isn't great folks!). I don't drink caffeine. I am not only gluten free. . . but now, I'm GRAIN FREE. That's right. . . I no longer eat any grains or refined sugars. I eat healthy real fats. I take my expensive whole food prenatal vitamins. I would never pick up a cigarette like that very pregnant lady in the purple shirt I saw at Safeway the other day.
Tertiary infertility. . . is there such a thing. . . check!
Then I hear how a friends 15 year old daughter is knocked up.
Awesome.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Another One Bites the Dust
Well, it's glaringly apparent that this cycle has not been a success. Today marks 15 dpo and I tested. Negative. I'm moody, nauseated, crampy and generally BLAH. So, we can safely assume my temp will drop tomorrow and AF will arrive.
I'm tired. I'm tired of timing BD (and denying my DH when he is needing me). I'm tired of charting and watching for the slightest change that could indicate success. I'm tired of checking for cervical fluids and lamenting of the lack of fertile fluid. I'm tired of trying to decipher if my cervix is higher and softer than it was the day before. I'm tired. And I'm moody, did I mention that? Oh. . . and my boobs hurt. Awesome.
I've lost 15 lbs in a little over a month. I'm doing resistance training 4x/week. I've changed my families eating style to Paleo (grain free, we were already a natural eating family). I've broken my sugar and coffee addiction. I'm working to reduce stress and inflammation.
All of this may be a moot point if our issue(s) remain an unfriendly cervix due to past surgery (and therefore cannot be changed) and low sperm count due to daily BD. I'm trying to space BD out to once every 2-3 days from the start of this next cycle until ovulation is confirmed in an attempt to increase the likelihood of getting happy swimmers where they need to be at the right time.
But how darn annoying! We have to have less SEX? What?!?!?! I thought sex made babies. . . sure works for the teenagers. :(
I'm wishing that we could afford IVF. . . I still don't see as how that would ever be a possibility for us. I have three children coming up on braces. . . let's see. . . braces for 3 or 1 round of IVF, what's a responsible Mama to do? That said. . .I do intend to go to an IVF consult in June or July and talk about our options. I do intend to work the numbers every which way possible and see if there is any way we can scramble and make it happen. However, the realistic side of me knows it's not going to be a reality in our world.
Today, I stopped by a Heart Gallery display. I'm mooning over a 4yo and her 7yo brother. They look like they'd be a lovely addition to our family. However, until the inlaws move on in the next year, we don't have room to accommodate two children in those ages. Maybe by Spring, the right children will be avaliable and we will be ready. We do have a 6 bedroom house, but the inlaws have two of the bedrooms, a study, and bathroom that's attached. When that area of the house is avaliable and our 19 yo sister moves out this Fall (she's getting married, but that's another story), then we can shift kids around and we will definitely have room for more littles. And DH and I might even get to move out of the "attic" bedroom. . .
In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to de-stress. How? Good question. I live with my inlaws, have my slightly obnoxious 19 year old sister in residence, have our 5 children (including their "other" bio parent), and I run a childcare. Yeah. . . no stress. Oh and did I mention that just about every one I know is pregnant. Yeah. . . there's that.
I'm tired. I'm tired of timing BD (and denying my DH when he is needing me). I'm tired of charting and watching for the slightest change that could indicate success. I'm tired of checking for cervical fluids and lamenting of the lack of fertile fluid. I'm tired of trying to decipher if my cervix is higher and softer than it was the day before. I'm tired. And I'm moody, did I mention that? Oh. . . and my boobs hurt. Awesome.
I've lost 15 lbs in a little over a month. I'm doing resistance training 4x/week. I've changed my families eating style to Paleo (grain free, we were already a natural eating family). I've broken my sugar and coffee addiction. I'm working to reduce stress and inflammation.
All of this may be a moot point if our issue(s) remain an unfriendly cervix due to past surgery (and therefore cannot be changed) and low sperm count due to daily BD. I'm trying to space BD out to once every 2-3 days from the start of this next cycle until ovulation is confirmed in an attempt to increase the likelihood of getting happy swimmers where they need to be at the right time.
But how darn annoying! We have to have less SEX? What?!?!?! I thought sex made babies. . . sure works for the teenagers. :(
I'm wishing that we could afford IVF. . . I still don't see as how that would ever be a possibility for us. I have three children coming up on braces. . . let's see. . . braces for 3 or 1 round of IVF, what's a responsible Mama to do? That said. . .I do intend to go to an IVF consult in June or July and talk about our options. I do intend to work the numbers every which way possible and see if there is any way we can scramble and make it happen. However, the realistic side of me knows it's not going to be a reality in our world.
Today, I stopped by a Heart Gallery display. I'm mooning over a 4yo and her 7yo brother. They look like they'd be a lovely addition to our family. However, until the inlaws move on in the next year, we don't have room to accommodate two children in those ages. Maybe by Spring, the right children will be avaliable and we will be ready. We do have a 6 bedroom house, but the inlaws have two of the bedrooms, a study, and bathroom that's attached. When that area of the house is avaliable and our 19 yo sister moves out this Fall (she's getting married, but that's another story), then we can shift kids around and we will definitely have room for more littles. And DH and I might even get to move out of the "attic" bedroom. . .
In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to de-stress. How? Good question. I live with my inlaws, have my slightly obnoxious 19 year old sister in residence, have our 5 children (including their "other" bio parent), and I run a childcare. Yeah. . . no stress. Oh and did I mention that just about every one I know is pregnant. Yeah. . . there's that.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
In the Mail. . .
Today I found a Destination Maternity catalog in my mailbox. . . who sends an infertile a maternity catalog? (Note to self. . . this could be my fault for preemptively purchasing maternity clothes during our first round of IUI, I'm just saying.)
I'm on CD22 or 7-9DPO (depending on how many eggs popped. . . I'm betting on at least one from each ovary this cycle). I almost called for a scan just to see how many follicles I had. . . as if knowing the number would make me feel better. The reality is, when I know how many eggs I have, I start obsessing. Then I feel defeated and like I have broken eggs when none of them take. So this is good for me.
I did not OPK this cycle. . . I did not have a scan. . . I did not have a trigger. I did take clomid 150mg CD3-7 and I did continue to chart my BBT, CM, & cervix position. I did try to space BD out to every other day during my fertile window in the hopes that this would give us a decent shot at sperm and egg meeting up.
I'm on the 21 Day Sugar Detox. . . it's working wonders. Today I had a cheat, I made the decision to have a scone made with tapioca flour & hard cheese (both no-no's). I started feeling crummy shortly after and still have a horrendous headache. Carb hangover? Ugh. . .
The good news is. . . I've lost 13lbs in the past month. I'm also going to Curves 4x each week. I feel less stressed. My skin is already better from eating Paleo and getting the carbs & sugars out of my system (no mid cycle breakout!).
Technically I can test one week from today. Not sure when I will.
I'm on CD22 or 7-9DPO (depending on how many eggs popped. . . I'm betting on at least one from each ovary this cycle). I almost called for a scan just to see how many follicles I had. . . as if knowing the number would make me feel better. The reality is, when I know how many eggs I have, I start obsessing. Then I feel defeated and like I have broken eggs when none of them take. So this is good for me.
I did not OPK this cycle. . . I did not have a scan. . . I did not have a trigger. I did take clomid 150mg CD3-7 and I did continue to chart my BBT, CM, & cervix position. I did try to space BD out to every other day during my fertile window in the hopes that this would give us a decent shot at sperm and egg meeting up.
I'm on the 21 Day Sugar Detox. . . it's working wonders. Today I had a cheat, I made the decision to have a scone made with tapioca flour & hard cheese (both no-no's). I started feeling crummy shortly after and still have a horrendous headache. Carb hangover? Ugh. . .
The good news is. . . I've lost 13lbs in the past month. I'm also going to Curves 4x each week. I feel less stressed. My skin is already better from eating Paleo and getting the carbs & sugars out of my system (no mid cycle breakout!).
Technically I can test one week from today. Not sure when I will.
Friday, April 20, 2012
CD 14 Update
Today is CD14. . . I cancelled my day 12 scan and trigger and decided to wing it. I have ovary discomfort ramping up so I'm sure ovulation is getting close. I'm not using OPK's this cycle as I decided to save myself the stress.
I've started working out 4-5 mornings a week. . . I'm hoping this and changes in my diet will lower my cortisol and if that's the problem then we will get knocked up.
Did I mention that I have scheduled an IVF consult on May 2nd? Not sure if we will go anywhere with it. . .
I've started working out 4-5 mornings a week. . . I'm hoping this and changes in my diet will lower my cortisol and if that's the problem then we will get knocked up.
Did I mention that I have scheduled an IVF consult on May 2nd? Not sure if we will go anywhere with it. . .
Monday, April 9, 2012
What's Next?
Our "rest" cycle ended on Saturday with the arrival of AF. Oh the joys. I did O, it looks like CD16 with a positive OPK on CD15. Things get confusing because I had a big temp rise on CD14, dip on CD15 and it rose again on CD16. My LP seems to confirm a CD16 O. So, there it is.
Despite great timing of the baby dance, the use of Pre~Seed and Guaifenesin we had no luck. 16 cycles down without even the faintest of a positive pee stick.
I was really tempted to take another rest cycle. . . in fact, I waffled all the way up until I picked up my clomid prescription at 7pm tonight (CD3 and day 1 of clomid). I decided I would take clomid CD3-7 (150mg), have a scan on CD12 and do a trigger shot. Then we will do timed intercourse and pray for the best. This cycle will only cost about $500 (which insurance will cover half of) since we are having 1 scan instead of 2 and no IUI/sperm prep. Typical cycles have been running $1200 + meds.
We have an IVF consult scheduled for May 2nd. This is a "what if?" appointment. . . it's not a set in stone this is what we are doing thing. I'm still not sure we can afford it (or justify the cost if we decide we have the cash), and I'm not sure I'm morally willing to go there.
We are also on the wait list for donor embryos. This is a pretty cost effective option at our clinic. There are no legal fees (embryos are surrendered to the clinic for adoption). It costs $3800 + meds for one cycle (vs. $8850 + meds for one stimulation cycle). The problem is that the wait list is long (two+ years). For us, it's good that the wait list is long as hubs isn't sure he is on board with the idea. I figure if we still haven't conceived by the time our names come up on the list, he will probably be much more open to the idea. And once we've been given embryos, we don't have to transfer right away. . . we can wait for a while and even pass up the chance to the next couple if we decide against it.
So, that's where we are at. I honestly cannot believe that we aren't pregnant yet. Last Easter, we were a few months into our TTC journey and I was convinced we would have a wonderful Easter surprise. Instead, AF visited. Here we are a year later with the same outcome. This infertility journey has lasted longer than my first round (baby #1 took 12 cycles). Granted, I was a dozen years younger and the only apparent issue was anovulation. Now we have a whole host of "issues". Awesome.
Despite great timing of the baby dance, the use of Pre~Seed and Guaifenesin we had no luck. 16 cycles down without even the faintest of a positive pee stick.
I was really tempted to take another rest cycle. . . in fact, I waffled all the way up until I picked up my clomid prescription at 7pm tonight (CD3 and day 1 of clomid). I decided I would take clomid CD3-7 (150mg), have a scan on CD12 and do a trigger shot. Then we will do timed intercourse and pray for the best. This cycle will only cost about $500 (which insurance will cover half of) since we are having 1 scan instead of 2 and no IUI/sperm prep. Typical cycles have been running $1200 + meds.
We have an IVF consult scheduled for May 2nd. This is a "what if?" appointment. . . it's not a set in stone this is what we are doing thing. I'm still not sure we can afford it (or justify the cost if we decide we have the cash), and I'm not sure I'm morally willing to go there.
We are also on the wait list for donor embryos. This is a pretty cost effective option at our clinic. There are no legal fees (embryos are surrendered to the clinic for adoption). It costs $3800 + meds for one cycle (vs. $8850 + meds for one stimulation cycle). The problem is that the wait list is long (two+ years). For us, it's good that the wait list is long as hubs isn't sure he is on board with the idea. I figure if we still haven't conceived by the time our names come up on the list, he will probably be much more open to the idea. And once we've been given embryos, we don't have to transfer right away. . . we can wait for a while and even pass up the chance to the next couple if we decide against it.
So, that's where we are at. I honestly cannot believe that we aren't pregnant yet. Last Easter, we were a few months into our TTC journey and I was convinced we would have a wonderful Easter surprise. Instead, AF visited. Here we are a year later with the same outcome. This infertility journey has lasted longer than my first round (baby #1 took 12 cycles). Granted, I was a dozen years younger and the only apparent issue was anovulation. Now we have a whole host of "issues". Awesome.
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