Suck Suck Suck

Beginning cycle scan today revealed. . . (drum roll please). .  a huge CYST on my right ovary.  No No NO!

What this means-

We have only the month of December to get this show on the road because as of January 1, my insurance benefits will be exhausted and we cannot afford to continue on our own at this time.

At first, my RE was all "we'll let you cycle on your own next time and then start the injections, blah blah blah". With tears in my eyes I informed him that would mean we are out for the time being as we can't keep going after the first of the year due to financial constraints.

So, the plan now is to take BCPs for 2-3 weeks.  I return on the 9th for another scan and we are hoping that the cyst will be gone.  Our other option is to aspirate the cyst with a needle inserted through my vaginal wall.  Dr Awesome informed me that he doesn't like doing that but since "you are hardy" he would feel comfortable doing it.  We didn't go straight for that because there is a risk of infection and the BCP could work.  As long as we are ready to start injections around the 16th, we should have enough time to get the monitoring and IUI in before year end.  *Fingers crossed and praying like a mad woman*.

I left the clinic with my tail between my legs and my boxes of injections in my hands.  There was no lesson in giving the injections or baggie of syringes to go with. . . I'm praying these injections don't end up going to waste, it's not like we have the option of returning them.

I also received some other wonderful news today, I'm too old for shared IVF (where some other lucky lady would receive half my eggs in return for help with the cost of the cycle) and we have no apparent reason to not be pregnant yet as we are both now textbook "fertile".  24 cycles people. . . even at my "advanced maternal age of nearly 35" that's not normal.  What's the statistic?  Something like 85% of women "my age" conceive within two years.

In other news.  I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad about our sub fertile status or mourn the baby we lost. . . because we have children.  Yes, we have children.  I have three and I am eternally grateful for them.  Hubs has two and we are eternally grateful for them.  This doesn't change the fact that I want a child with my husband.  I fear losing my husband and not having our child to see him in (irrational, maybe).  I am finally married to the man God intended for me.  My life is pulled together.  We are happy, moderately successful, and at least have enough money to make ends meet (and pay for things like orthodontia).  It is incredibly unfair that we cannot have a child.  I look around me and see all kinds of girls and women in bad situations having babies and laughing "don't drink the water!".

Am I greedy to desire this child?  I don't think so.  When I look into my amazing daughters faces, I see myself but I also see the man who hurt me in too many ways to count.  I know I can't erase that (nor would I if it meant sacrificing those girls!), but I want to look into my child's face and know it was born of love. . .

UGH.

I've known that my November cycle was a bust for 5 days. . . but, of course, my LP was 17 days AGAIN.  It's torture to know there isn't a baby growing and to have AF not show up.  The mind starts playing tricks, "well, maybe you ARE pregnant. . . maybe the tests were wrong. . . ".

And then, AF finally shows up.

I have 20 vials of HMG Lepori (European generic for Menopur/Repronex) waiting. . . but I was praying and hoping I wouldn't have to use them.  I honestly thought I had purchased them as a safeguard. . . I was wasting the money, but I was okay with that because a viable pregnancy was worth it.

So. . . knowing my cycle failed. . . having AF show up. . . has brought torrents of tears.  I'm scared.  Having the injections here and actually using them are two very different things.  I'm a bit worried about giving them to myself (in my rear, no less) but I've had no issues giving myself the HCG injection, so I'm sure I will be fine. 

I didn't know (until I researched more) that the menotropins are made from the urine of menopausal women.  Strange isn't it that we use a hormone from women who are done with their childbearing years to trick our bodies into being more fertile. 

My fear also involves what ifs. . . what if the injections work too well and I end up with too many eggs to continue with an IUI cycle?  We can't afford to switch to IVF if that happens and this is our last ditch effort since we will be out of funds for the foreseeable future after this cycle.  I also worry that if this cycle drags out too long, we will hit the point where our 50% copay comes back (Jan. 1).  We've already hit our out of pocket maximum this year so for the December cycle our insurance will cover 100% (excluding the injections) until I reach our lifetime maximum for infertility.  After this cycle, our insurance benefit will be maxed out and we have already exhausted our medical savings account.  So, it'll be back to the drawing board to figure out what's next.

I wish I had the option to convert this cycle to IVF if the need arises.  I don't know how much it would cost to convert at the point of retrieval (full cycle is $8,500 + meds).  My insurance might cover $2,000-$2,500 (depending on what's left of our benefit).  I'm guessing we'd still need to pay $5-7k for retrieval, fertilization, & transfer (more if ICSI is needed or if there are embryos to freeze).  Sure, we *could* charge it, but we are in the middle of refinancing our house to buy our in-laws out and we are carrying two mortgages (until we can sell the other house) and we are trying hard to pay off debt (my husband, the teacher man, just realized that over the last 15 years he has paid $32,000 toward his students loans. . . his original loan balance was $28,000 and we still have a balance of $20,000.  He doesn't qualify for the federal pay off program of $17,500 even though he's taught both special education AND worked in a poverty level low income school for 15 years, guess why?  Because he graduated a year too early for the program, so his slightly younger co-teachers are debt free and we are still slaving away at it, but I digress).  We also have one child who just started round one of braces and two more about to start.

What I'm getting at here. . . yes, we could *technically* charge the cost but it would be irresponsible to do so.  I wish I could wave a magic wand and figure out how to materialize the needed $.  We don't qualify for scholarship programs because each of us has biological kids (just none together).

Some say, "why don't you just adopt".  I would, if it were that easy. . . we have numerous factors against us.  First, the cost ($20-$30k).  Secondly, we have five kids between us and previous marriages, so those are both strikes against us in the selection process.  Third, my husband is over 40 now which is the age when parents become less desirable in the matching process.  Fourth, I came from an extremely difficult childhood. . . I've found the home study process for foster care to be so emotional grueling that I don't know if I can weather any more.  I put away all my old wounds and allowed them to scar over. . . the home study process is like slicing open those scars and letting things fester again.  I need to be emotionally healthy for the children we have and the children I take care of every day. . . I can't go through a traumatic process that may cause me to slip into a depression or have trouble focusing on the day to day obligations and needs of the 12-16 kids I care for every day.

I am seriously considering foster care adoption (if I can get beyond this emotional trauma part). . . it won't cost us much or anything.  But, I won't get a baby and while I will open my home to as many children as God sees fit, I need a baby.  I want my children to bond from infancy. . . I want to breastfeed. . . I want to watch my husband snuggle our little one to sleep (having watched him with the babies in my childcare makes my heart ache). 

I can say without a doubt that if someone handed me $20,000 and said "this is for adoption", we would find the baby that is waiting for us.  My husband has already stated over and over that he doesn't feel it's financially responsible to seek out adoption until we've paid down debt.  That's why I state we'd have to be given funds for that purpose only. . . as we all know, that will never happen.  So, in the meantime, I sit in this twilight zone. This place where I can't get pregnant and almost don't believe I ever will.

I keep having dreams that I suddenly find myself pregnant at 40 or 50, when my youngest is in high school (she's almost 8 now) and it causes me to question being open to children forever.  How would I react to the news that I was starting over after my children were almost grown and I was looking forward to grandparenting years?  My conviction is that I will remain open to children as long as I'm living. . . obviously, nature will play it's hand in time and I will no longer have the option of conception.  My husband, already 41, is on the fence about his age and having babies in the house.  We keep reminding ourselves that God has a plan, which we can never know, and He knows better than us in all things. 

CD11 Scan

I went in for a scan this morning to see how my follicles are developing.  OPKs are unreliable for me and timing is a big concern for us so we decided early was the way to go this cycle.

My ovaries look great.  I have four good sized follicles developing on my right ovary (otherwise known as my "good" side).  I didn't pay perfect attention to the follicle sizes, but I know they were all between 14 & 18mm today.  Monday afternoon I should trigger, we are thinking two more days of follicle development should put most of them around 21mm and hopefully allow my endometrium to thicken (it was only 6.3mm today).

This is the last clomid cycle for the foreseeable future.  My lining isn't doing well and obviously I'm not getting pregnant on clomid.  I'll place my order with IVFmeds.com on Monday for 20 vials of generic menopur.  December we will do injections only. . . and that will be our last treatment cycle.  We will have used up our insurance benefit and our medical savings plans.  We can't afford the cost of an IVF cycle which would be the next step.  (Wishing I had some great skill, like making beautiful quilts or stained glass so I could auction off items to help with the costs.)

I hate the idea of shelling out the money on injectables while I'm still in the middle of a cycle that *could* be successful.  I guess if that happens, I will be so happy that donating the meds to the clinic won't be an issue.   The good news is that by ordering the meds overseas through IVFmeds.com saves us a LOT of money.  My RE says many women in the clinic use meds from there and they are all the same as meds in the U.S., except a whole lot less expensive.

Where Do We Go From Here?

I'm 18dpo... no, I'm not pregnant, although it seems that I should be.  We don't know why my LP (luteal phase) is lasting so long (as it has every cycle since the miscarriage except the cycle I used a trigger).

Part of me says go ahead and medicate one more cycle. . . what's it hurt. . . my insurance will cover my November and December cycles in full since I've met my annual out of pocket maximum and I haven't yet maxed out my (very limited) infertility coverage.

The other part of me says I need to let it go for a while.  We know WHY we aren't conceiving (not sure if we have a successful implantation issue yet, but that's look like a possibility).

I've lost weight.  I'm eating well (80-90% of the time grain free, always gluten free).  I'm healthy.  My Celiac is in remission (if there is such a thing- my intestines are currently healed so as long as I eat gluten free, I'm healthy). 

My tubes are clear.  My ovaries are producing eggs each cycle (quite successfully).  I get wet (fertile) CM at least one day every cycle.  My cervix is open (which means the swimmers can get in now).

I'm still not pregnant.

Here's the deal, although I'm not sure my very experienced, totally awesome, RE even gets it.  Hubs swimmers get depleted.  We need 60 hours (minimum)- 72 hours (optimum) between ejaculates in order to get good, healthy swimmers (30-60 mil/ml).  Trouble is. . . hubs drive doesn't often accommodate that kind of spacing.  I feel guilty for putting him off, leaving his needs unmet, etc. . . and I don't want to be the "s-x warden".

This cycle, we did fairly well. . . and I was praying it was enough.  But the reality is, the weekend I ovulated, he was needy. . . so in all likelihood the couple of days before ovulation (when I was most fertile), he had very depleted counts (twice a day, people).  We know that 12-36 hour breaks lead to counts that caused canceled cycles (>10mil/ml).  This is natural, the human body takes 72 hours to fully mature sperm. 

I'm starting to think we may never have a biological child.  I can be okay with that but I want us to have a newborn. . . I'm okay with adopting a newborn but don't see how we could ever afford it.  I'm still praying that our names will come up on the embryo adoption list as that may be the most cost effective route for us to go.  Hubs is nervous about me going through the dangers of pregnancy for a child that isn't biologically ours. . . I'd prefer that to traditional adoption so that the children can be part of the pregnancy and I could breastfeed.

The reality is. . . if we had $15k, I'd opt for a cycle of IVF.  Even though my faith says IVF is morally unacceptable, I think I would do it (easy to say when I know it's not a possibility).  Or perhaps, I'd put that toward the $20K + needed for infant adoption and be assured we'd have a child at the end of the process (and that an unwanted child would have a very loving home).

I don't know.

What I do know is that on that weekend when we were suppose to be spacing BD to get good swimmers, I almost lost it in an emotional fit of tears when hubs was "pursuing" me. . . I wanted to cry and scream "we are suppose to be waiting!". . . but then, as if God spoke to me, I realized that my husband needed me and it was my duty to fulfill those needs.  At that moment, I was able to put it in God's hands. . . this was a big step for me.  I felt myself letting go. .  I said, "if it's God's will, we will have a child, because it's going to take a miracle".  I know without a doubt that it is going to take a miracle to create a child in my womb or to open our lives to infant adoption.  I can't control things (as much as I wish I could).

I'm trying to take a step back from control.  I stopped temping/charting this cycle once I confirmed ovulation.  I waited patiently until AF was late before I took a test.  This was not a medicated cycle (so was the only cycle I conceived in these last two years). 

I feel like at this point, I know my body well. . . I know my cycles well. . . I've been perfectly charting all my fertility signs for two full years. . . we've had all the tests done that we can. . . all I need to figure out is out to get my hubs to slow down his drive during the week leading up to my fertile window.   I'm seriously pondering not charting for a while. . . I know my cycle and can see my other fertility signs without actually charting. . . maybe that will take some of the pressure off?  Of course, I worry that without confirming ovulation via temperature I will cause hubs to miss out on more BD days then necessary.

I also know that if finances weren't an issue. . . I would pursue further treatment and/or adoption.  It sad to be up against a wall that you have no way to scale.  My choices are significantly reduced because I cannot afford treatment or adoption.

There are those who say, "be happy with the family you have".  I am, oh, how I am.  I love my family. . . I love the children we have. And yet, part of me is missing. . . that connection with my husband, that closing of the circle of our children. . . that sharing of a common child, one that is "real" sibling to our children and "real" child to both of us.  I feel a schism in our family, one that says "his" and "hers" instead of "ours".  I feel that "our" baby would change the entire dynamic of our family.  I want (desperately) that little one who I can look at and see my beloveds face.  I fear that if I were to lose my husband (as we know life is fragile), I would be left without any part of him. . . I would lose "his" children to their bio-mom.  I could only see his face in a photo album.  This I fear most. I hunger for permanency and our child symbolizes that.

Early Miscarriage and Moving On

No one warned me that a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks would be quite so nasty.  I assumed (and no one told me differently) that it would be similar to a late menses. .  I expected heavier bleeding than I would have with a normal 28-30 day non conception cycle.  I did not expect the amount of tissue and clotting that happened (thankfully mostly all at once).  It is quite an emotional experience to be sitting in the bathroom and find globs of what you know should be a baby growing inside your belly. .  . enough said.

I've shed a few tears. .  .but I'm trying to remember that there is nothing we can change about losing this pregnancy and I'm grateful the loss was so early (instead of the 9 week ultrasound my friend just had which revealed no heartbeat or the 21 week umbilical cord separation that another friend suffered a few years ago).   If I hadn't broken down and taken a test (because, duh, I was 18dpo and every RE on the planet says- "18dpo and temps are still up, you are pregnant" unless of course you aren't and just have an awesome progesterone producing cyst) I wouldn't have even known I was actually, finally, pregnant.

But I digress.

We are moving in. . . because we have no other choice.  My RE encouraged us to try for 2-3 cycles on our own (possibly with ovulation help) since he felt so confident about my weight loss/dietary changes and the impact that would have on my fertility.  Evidently he was right. . . the combination did allow us to conceive, finally.  Prayerfully, we will conceive again quickly and have a sticky baby.

Because my progesterone was so low this time (6.28), we are taking clomid on CD5-9 (normally I take clomid CD3-7 but we had to wait for my final beta hcg, so today it is).  I'm taking 150mg as usual.  We will not be using a trigger, just timing intercourse well.  I'm suppose to use an ovulation predictor kit to help make sure that happens.  What I learned last cycle is that spacing BD did make a big difference. . . so darling hubs will be getting his groove on only every 2-3 days until ovulation is confirmed since we know daily BD depletes the swimmers.  This last cycle we got BD in 16x's in 32 days (which is still a lot) vs. our normal 30+ times.  And it's the first cycle we managed to get swimmer and egg together. . . 'nuff said.

Once ovulation is confirmed, I will be starting progesterone suppositories (half 100mg 2x daily) until negative beta. . . if we get a positive, then I will continue the progesterone for at least 12 weeks.

In the past when my progesterone has been checked at 7dpo, it's been decent (15-20) on medicated cycles. .  we haven't tested it in unmedicated cycles but my luteal phase and temps have been pretty good which normally is an indicator of happy progesterone.

We won't be attempting anymore treatment until at least October when our FSA resets and at this time we are still up in the air as to whether it'll be more IUI with injectables or onto IVF.  IVF is a hard one for me given what I believe about creation of life. .  .but it's amazing what we can convince ourselves to do in order to have a child.  I'm praying we won't have to make that decision.

What's Next?

Our "rest" cycle ended on Saturday with the arrival of AF. Oh the joys. I did O, it looks like CD16 with a positive OPK on CD15. Things get confusing because I had a big temp rise on CD14, dip on CD15 and it rose again on CD16. My LP seems to confirm a CD16 O. So, there it is.

Despite great timing of the baby dance, the use of Pre~Seed and Guaifenesin we had no luck. 16 cycles down without even the faintest of a positive pee stick.

I was really tempted to take another rest cycle. . . in fact, I waffled all the way up until I picked up my clomid prescription at 7pm tonight (CD3 and day 1 of clomid). I decided I would take clomid CD3-7 (150mg), have a scan on CD12 and do a trigger shot. Then we will do timed intercourse and pray for the best. This cycle will only cost about $500 (which insurance will cover half of) since we are having 1 scan instead of 2 and no IUI/sperm prep. Typical cycles have been running $1200 + meds.

We have an IVF consult scheduled for May 2nd. This is a "what if?" appointment. . . it's not a set in stone this is what we are doing thing. I'm still not sure we can afford it (or justify the cost if we decide we have the cash), and I'm not sure I'm morally willing to go there.

We are also on the wait list for donor embryos. This is a pretty cost effective option at our clinic. There are no legal fees (embryos are surrendered to the clinic for adoption). It costs $3800 + meds for one cycle (vs. $8850 + meds for one stimulation cycle). The problem is that the wait list is long (two+ years). For us, it's good that the wait list is long as hubs isn't sure he is on board with the idea. I figure if we still haven't conceived by the time our names come up on the list, he will probably be much more open to the idea. And once we've been given embryos, we don't have to transfer right away. . . we can wait for a while and even pass up the chance to the next couple if we decide against it.

So, that's where we are at. I honestly cannot believe that we aren't pregnant yet. Last Easter, we were a few months into our TTC journey and I was convinced we would have a wonderful Easter surprise. Instead, AF visited. Here we are a year later with the same outcome. This infertility journey has lasted longer than my first round (baby #1 took 12 cycles). Granted, I was a dozen years younger and the only apparent issue was anovulation. Now we have a whole host of "issues". Awesome.

POAS Obsession...

I'm pretty sure every infertile has it (and plenty of those without IF issues)... I really tried to be more patient this cycle...

But I caved... I tested at 10dpIUI and got a negative... 12dpIUI negative again.

I know there is a good chance that I ovulated those three eggs between CD13 & 15 (IUI was on CD13, trigger CD12 AM), so my brain understands that this may have been too early to test... but the practical side of me is assuming I'm not knocked up and planning what comes next.

What I learned today...

Our Medical FSA will be exhausted after we pay for our current cycle until October 1 (new plan year). We have approximately $1500 left of insurance coverage for IF (paid at 50%). I called the clinic to get a coded list of all the billings since this journey started AND I called the insurance company to get a detailed list of EOB's since January 1, 2011. This way, I can compare all the IF payments and make sure we don't lose out on any benefits due to improper coding.

What else I learned today... One cycle of IVF is $8850 + meds ($2-$4K). A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is $1250.

In hindsight... I could have jumped in with one shot at IVF... between our insurance coverage and what we've spent so far, we could have funded ONE IVF cycle... If only we could know these things in advance... at my age, in my health, with my stats... I'm an "excellent" outcome for IVF so the chance of one shot working is high. At this point, we just can't afford it. Maybe, if we save our kiesters off we could afford a cycle in a year. However, by the end of 2012, I will be 35 and my success rate will drop dramatically.

I just don't see it ever being an option for us... neither is private adoption because the cost is insurmountable in our current situation. We have other things that all our extra money MUST go to in the next 12 months in order to avoid selling our home when the co-owners want bought out (looooong story) early next year.

If I had the option, I would increase my work load to net as much income as I could in the next several months... however, I'm regulated by the state and can't increase my load. Since DD is a teacher, his salary is capped (not to mention the pay cuts he's taken each of the last three years). So, barring a miracle this may be the end of the road for us.

I know that technically we aren't out until AF shows up (this weekend... while we are at a much needed weekend retreat).

Symptom wise, here's where I'm at:
Skin breakout, HOLY CRIPES. My chin is a cystic volcano mess. Ouch.
Heartburn (constant)
Slight cramps here and there (since 3 or 4dpIUI)
Sore breasts
Bloating
Lots of watery and creamy CM
Sensitivity to smells
Not emotional (this is very odd considering the hormonal drug induced rage I normally have at this point in my cycle).
Craving LEMON, this has never happened before. It's been unbearable for the last 3 days. I bought a giant bag of lemons at Costco...

Barring the negative pee sticks on 10 and 12 dpIUI, I'd swear this lady was knocked up... given those tests I'm thinking this is all drug induced (and perhaps related to high progesterone from 3 follicles forming CL cysts).

Cycle 2- FAIL

Today officially marks the end to cycle 2... AF showed up.

I knew we were out of this cycle two days ago when my BBT dropped almost a full degree. I was surprised AF didn't show yesterday but what I've noticed with medicated cycles is that my progesterone is good (19.6 cycle 1, 23.4 cycle 2)... while I don't know what my progesterone was on non-medicated cycles, I'm assuming that my slightly longer LP is due to the progesterone taking a bit longer to get out of my system since it's a nice, high value at 7dpo.

My progesterone draw on CD22, confirmed my ovulation for CD15 (day of u/s scan) and we didn't IUI until CD16 because scan on CD15 showed one big follicle at 26mm and the LH surge showed on my OPK later that morning... we were assuming O was going to be the NEXT day. However, I woke up on CD16 to an elevated BBT indicating O had occurred already and our IUI wasn't scheduled until 10:30AM.

We went ahead with the IUI... I was praying that the combination of my cervix still being slightly open (IUI cath could PAINFULLY pass through without breaking scar tissue this time) and BD on CD13 PM, combined with IUI on CD16 that we still had a chance...

Amazingly, I've been much calmer this cycle (even calmer than the last cycle). A combination of acupuncture, a plan, and expecting it to NOT work... ? I didn't even really cry this time, although I had a few moments of self pity.

My surgery is scheduled for Dec. 22. Dr. A will go in an remove all the endometriosis implants (including any on my bladder and bowel), flush my tubes to make sure they are clear (and remove blockages if possible), and fully dilate my cervix to break up all the scar tissue keeping it closed.

I'm a bit apprehensive about surgery... but at the same time, I'm looking forward to it. Prayerfully, we will get an all clear afterward and be able to conceive (naturally, even?) OR we will at least have a name as to what is wrong with me. I'm pretty confident that if Dr. A comes back with a poor prognosis, we won't be able to even consider IVF (due to finances among other concerns)... so at that point, I will have to close the book on pregnancy and start exploring foster/adoption (which is likely in our future whether we conceive or not).

The Cost of Infertilty PRE-ART

Who said baby making was inexpensive? Since we follow NFP and therefore didn't purchase birth control, I'm not saving anything there. (Some of you may be saving $360+/yr, I save that every year anyway).

Our infertility related costs will be covered at 50% by our insurance company (including IUI and IVF) with a $5,000 lifetime cap. So, we might get one round of IVF paid for at 50% if we don't exhaust our lifetime cap with diagnostics testing and IUI before then. Some medications will be covered at 50-90%, we won't know which ones until our prescriptions are in hand.

Our fertility related expenses so far~

Pre~Seed $19.99 (monthly)
OPK's $20-$33 (monthly)
Prenatal Vitamins (food based, organic) $28.00 (every two months)
Other supplements for Manic Mama $75.00 (every two months)
Supplements and vitamins for Devoted Daddy $50.00 (monthly)
Pregnancy tests $20.00 (monthly because I'm pee stick obsessed)
Preventative yeast treatments (for end of AF) $15.00 (monthly)
Acupuncture for Manic Mama $65.00 (weekly)
Online fertility charting $50 (annual)

Pre-pregnancy dental exam/cleaning $85.00 (every one should have this, insurance pays 70%)
Regular gynecologist visits (3 so far totaling $167.00 out of pocket)
Lab work for Manic Mama $584.00 (funny, insurance doesn't like to cover infertility labwork)
Lab work for Devoted Daddy $112.00 (ditto above statement)
Infertility books $100.00

When our clinic appointment rolls around in October, we will pay $200 for the first visit (normal fee is $400). We are anticipating minimal/no testing in the beginning because our tests to date have already given a clear picture of what our issue is. We may opt for a hysteroscopy to make sure my uterine lining is not severely damaged from the previous surgeries. Our fear is conceiving and losing the baby (possibly late in the pregnancy) due to uterine damage. How this procedure will be covered by insurance we aren't sure... is my old insurance responsible since it's assessing damage from a previous surgery covered under them? Will my new insurance cover it as a medically necessary procedure (based on pain/cycle issues) or will it fall under infertility diagnostics?

I have researched standard pricing for many IF treatments, but the cost of our IUI will depend on a lot of factors including medications and monitoring.

Infertilty Recommened Reading

A Few Good Eggs
TCOYF (Recommend reading for all women)
How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup (For Dad to be, although I enjoyed it as well!)
Real Food For Mother and Baby

(The links will direct you to Amazon, I've included them purely for reference... I have nothing to gain by your use of them.)

First Fertility Clinic Appointment Coming Soon...

We are four weeks from our first appointment at the fertility clinic... this is the big guns, ART clinic. Manic Mama is ready to wet her pants with nervousness, apprehension, and excitement. Devoted Daddy is living in the world of "what appointment" which is pretty standard for men. :)

What we know... Devoted Daddy's swimmers are up to par when we take BD breaks of two days... Frequent BD was sapping the supply.

Manic Mama's cervix is scarred from previous surgery and doesn't make happy fertile fluid.

What we fear... the condition of Manic Mama's uterus. Did the former surgeries scar the uterus to the extent that we won't be able to conceive/carry???

Manic Mama is hoping that medicated IUI will do the trick for us... even with my religious objections to ART, IUI can be acceptable as long as we BD before and after the IUI. I'm still working things out in my head regarding my churches teaching on IVF and the reality that it may be the ONLY WAY for Devoted Daddy and I to have a child together...