Fast Responder!

Today was my CD7 scan to check on how the old ovaries were doing. . . I knew they'd started to wake up because I was feeling some discomfort, especially in the hours after my injection. 

When I went in to see Dr. Awesome this morning, I had taken 4 daily injections of generic Menopur (HMG/Lepori)  at 225iu, 225iu, 225iu, and 150iu.  We were planning on another 4-6 days of injections (minimum) before trigger.  Well, as luck would have it, I'm evidently very sensitive to this medication and I have FOUR mature follicles already.  Three on my right and one on my left, all measuring 17.6mm-19.1mm. RIDICULOUS.   My endometrium was already a healthy 8.2mm with a triple layer, so it should be a nice and squishy landing pad in a couple days time (this is better than I have had in the last several cycles on trigger day!).

So, the plan is that I would do one more injection of 225iu this evening, then tomorrow at 10pm (Thursday, CD9) I will trigger and we will IUI around 10am on Saturday (CD11).

Within an hour or so of my injection this evening, my ovaries started protesting. . . evidently they weren't happy with another dose of drugs.  My 9pm, I could barely stand up straight and had to hobble out to the car and swallow three ibuprofen.  I made it home and am now snuggled up with the heating pad on my belly.  Thankfully, the ibuprofen took the brunt of the pain away.  I hope this doesn't mean early ovulation for me, I'll temp the next couple of mornings just in case.  We are suppose to BD tonight anyway (thankfully the meds are working!) and then abstain until our Saturday morning collection time.

Here's to baby making!  With luck, the New Year will bring glad tidings indeed!

Clear for Take Off

Scan this morning revealed ovaries doing exactly what they should be doing.  Yay!  This means no needle aspiration for me (at least not today).

Because of an upcoming long weekend trip, we are manipulating my cycle. . . I'll continue the BCPs until Wednesday.  Then on CD3, I will start injections of HMG Lepori (generic Menopur/Repronex).  We will do a step down protocol. . . 3 vials (225iu)/day for 3 days, then 2 vials (150iu) on the 4th day and a scan on the 5th day (or CD7).  Depending on that scan, we will decided to go up or down on the dosage.  If things go according to the norm (and when do I ever follow the norm?), we may be back at the clinic for hopeful baby making on Christmas day.

Dr. Awesome said, "remind me again how you feel about twins or triplets?".  :-)  And reassured me that even with 6 mature follicles the chance of conceiving high order multiples (and staying pregnant to the magic 10 week mark) was slim to none given our history.  However, we are slightly increased risk of triplets due to our past proven fertility but also have the fact working against us that getting and staying pregnant has been difficult. . . So, in a way we have a higher risk of being in that 10% triplet group and in another way we have a lower risk, especially of making it to the magic 10 week mark. He said to not be surprised even if we initially conceive three, if they don't all stick.

So, our plan is to proceed with up to 6 mature follicles at trigger (which reminds me, I need to order a refill!).  If I have more than 6, Dr. Awesome will do a needle aspiration to remove the extras (to reduce risk of high order multiples and NOT cancel this cycle).

That photo above. . . that's my life for the next couple of weeks.  I'm so excited to give myself injections. . . NOT. But, if it gets us a baby or two (heck, I'll even take three), then it's all worth it!

I feel really good about this cycle (ask me a week ago and I was ready to bag it all!).  If this one doesn't work. . . well, then we are out of the medical route for a while. . . if it does, I'll have conceived just under the 35 year mark. 

Suck Suck Suck

Beginning cycle scan today revealed. . . (drum roll please). .  a huge CYST on my right ovary.  No No NO!

What this means-

We have only the month of December to get this show on the road because as of January 1, my insurance benefits will be exhausted and we cannot afford to continue on our own at this time.

At first, my RE was all "we'll let you cycle on your own next time and then start the injections, blah blah blah". With tears in my eyes I informed him that would mean we are out for the time being as we can't keep going after the first of the year due to financial constraints.

So, the plan now is to take BCPs for 2-3 weeks.  I return on the 9th for another scan and we are hoping that the cyst will be gone.  Our other option is to aspirate the cyst with a needle inserted through my vaginal wall.  Dr Awesome informed me that he doesn't like doing that but since "you are hardy" he would feel comfortable doing it.  We didn't go straight for that because there is a risk of infection and the BCP could work.  As long as we are ready to start injections around the 16th, we should have enough time to get the monitoring and IUI in before year end.  *Fingers crossed and praying like a mad woman*.

I left the clinic with my tail between my legs and my boxes of injections in my hands.  There was no lesson in giving the injections or baggie of syringes to go with. . . I'm praying these injections don't end up going to waste, it's not like we have the option of returning them.

I also received some other wonderful news today, I'm too old for shared IVF (where some other lucky lady would receive half my eggs in return for help with the cost of the cycle) and we have no apparent reason to not be pregnant yet as we are both now textbook "fertile".  24 cycles people. . . even at my "advanced maternal age of nearly 35" that's not normal.  What's the statistic?  Something like 85% of women "my age" conceive within two years.

In other news.  I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad about our sub fertile status or mourn the baby we lost. . . because we have children.  Yes, we have children.  I have three and I am eternally grateful for them.  Hubs has two and we are eternally grateful for them.  This doesn't change the fact that I want a child with my husband.  I fear losing my husband and not having our child to see him in (irrational, maybe).  I am finally married to the man God intended for me.  My life is pulled together.  We are happy, moderately successful, and at least have enough money to make ends meet (and pay for things like orthodontia).  It is incredibly unfair that we cannot have a child.  I look around me and see all kinds of girls and women in bad situations having babies and laughing "don't drink the water!".

Am I greedy to desire this child?  I don't think so.  When I look into my amazing daughters faces, I see myself but I also see the man who hurt me in too many ways to count.  I know I can't erase that (nor would I if it meant sacrificing those girls!), but I want to look into my child's face and know it was born of love. . .

CD11 Scan

I went in for a scan this morning to see how my follicles are developing.  OPKs are unreliable for me and timing is a big concern for us so we decided early was the way to go this cycle.

My ovaries look great.  I have four good sized follicles developing on my right ovary (otherwise known as my "good" side).  I didn't pay perfect attention to the follicle sizes, but I know they were all between 14 & 18mm today.  Monday afternoon I should trigger, we are thinking two more days of follicle development should put most of them around 21mm and hopefully allow my endometrium to thicken (it was only 6.3mm today).

This is the last clomid cycle for the foreseeable future.  My lining isn't doing well and obviously I'm not getting pregnant on clomid.  I'll place my order with IVFmeds.com on Monday for 20 vials of generic menopur.  December we will do injections only. . . and that will be our last treatment cycle.  We will have used up our insurance benefit and our medical savings plans.  We can't afford the cost of an IVF cycle which would be the next step.  (Wishing I had some great skill, like making beautiful quilts or stained glass so I could auction off items to help with the costs.)

I hate the idea of shelling out the money on injectables while I'm still in the middle of a cycle that *could* be successful.  I guess if that happens, I will be so happy that donating the meds to the clinic won't be an issue.   The good news is that by ordering the meds overseas through IVFmeds.com saves us a LOT of money.  My RE says many women in the clinic use meds from there and they are all the same as meds in the U.S., except a whole lot less expensive.