Manic Mama turned 35 on Saturday. I don't feel any different. . . but, I've now attained that dreaded label- "advanced maternal age".
Huh.
In other news, I'm 9DPIUI (11DPT). Chugging along just fine, thank you.
My breasts hurt. Not sore or tender. . . we are talking PAIN. I've had cramping off and on for the last 3-4 days (especially with O). What does this all mean? Maybe nothing. . . Maybe everything.
I'm wondering if the breast pain is related to the gonadotropins? I am on progesterone but in the past that hasn't caused this kind of discomfort.
My cervix still feels high, slightly soft, and closed. My BBT is still 97.7+ (when I take it).
My favorite part of Christmas- when I was updating my Grandma on our fertility cycle, she proclaimed, "well, if I knew it was possible I'd have more kids with Celiac, I wouldn't have any more, what a burden!". Are you kidding me???? I believe she called it "food issues" not Celiac, but whatever. My children are not a burden. I enjoy the challenge of finding new, healthy, innovative ways to eat. Sure, some days it'd be a lot easier if we could eat SAD food, but then, we would be far from healthy and likely spending more in medical costs. But I digress.
Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts
Showing posts with label IUI. Show all posts
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Two Week Wait
After my CD7 scan revealed 4 mature follicles (17.6mm-19mm), we did one more injection of 225iu HMG/Lepori. On CD8 at 10pm, I did the trigger injection (10,000iu Pregnyl). At 9:30am on CD10, we went in for IUI. Swimmers looked great (post wash- 34 million, 93% mobile, 3.0 progression; our pre-wash count @ 91mil/ml was the best we've had yet! I'm convinced that the 60 hour mark for abstinence is our best bet for the swimmers. . . we also did better the week leading up to IUI and was on a every other day pattern vs our normal every day). The IUI itself took a bit of time (and discomfort) once again, thanks to my messed up cervix. Finally, the catheter found the path in and all was good.
I was given instructions to start progesterone suppositories on CD11 (today) but I'm waiting until tomorrow because we are at a water park and the thought of ooey gooey oozy progesterone suppositories + swim suit + public pool. . . well, you get the idea. Normally, one would start progesterone at three days past ovulation anyway, so I'm not concerned, especially since my BBT was sky high today (97.83) confirming strong progesterone following ovulation.
I didn't realize that progesterone support was standard protocol following a gonadotropin cycle. Something about messing with your bodies normal function, blah blah blah. Progesterone is the witching drug if you ask me. . . although I shouldn't complain because at least Dr. A is kind enough to give us the suppositories vs injections of progesterone in oil (in the buttocks!).
I've spent the last 36 hours visualizing my eggs busting out, meeting up with the swimmers, and dividing as they travel down my fallopian tubes. In a few days, prayerfully, one or more will find their way into the squishy lining of my uterus and continue to grow.
My instructions are to POAS 14 days from yesterday (January 4, 2013). . . we shall see if I can wait that long. If I get a +, then starts the multitude of BETAs.
I feel really positive about this cycle. . . this is going to be in. Things were perfect, including our timing and our swimmers. . . my lining is better than it has been in any previous cycle. . .
Part of me wanted to do another scan the morning of the IUI to confirm follicles and lining. . . but everything looked good on CD7, so there is no reason to think that would be different. Dr. A is trying to help keep our costs down and not pushing for excessive monitoring.
I was given instructions to start progesterone suppositories on CD11 (today) but I'm waiting until tomorrow because we are at a water park and the thought of ooey gooey oozy progesterone suppositories + swim suit + public pool. . . well, you get the idea. Normally, one would start progesterone at three days past ovulation anyway, so I'm not concerned, especially since my BBT was sky high today (97.83) confirming strong progesterone following ovulation.
I didn't realize that progesterone support was standard protocol following a gonadotropin cycle. Something about messing with your bodies normal function, blah blah blah. Progesterone is the witching drug if you ask me. . . although I shouldn't complain because at least Dr. A is kind enough to give us the suppositories vs injections of progesterone in oil (in the buttocks!).
I've spent the last 36 hours visualizing my eggs busting out, meeting up with the swimmers, and dividing as they travel down my fallopian tubes. In a few days, prayerfully, one or more will find their way into the squishy lining of my uterus and continue to grow.
My instructions are to POAS 14 days from yesterday (January 4, 2013). . . we shall see if I can wait that long. If I get a +, then starts the multitude of BETAs.
I feel really positive about this cycle. . . this is going to be in. Things were perfect, including our timing and our swimmers. . . my lining is better than it has been in any previous cycle. . .
Part of me wanted to do another scan the morning of the IUI to confirm follicles and lining. . . but everything looked good on CD7, so there is no reason to think that would be different. Dr. A is trying to help keep our costs down and not pushing for excessive monitoring.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Fast Responder!
Today was my CD7 scan to check on how the old ovaries were doing. . . I knew they'd started to wake up because I was feeling some discomfort, especially in the hours after my injection.
When I went in to see Dr. Awesome this morning, I had taken 4 daily injections of generic Menopur (HMG/Lepori) at 225iu, 225iu, 225iu, and 150iu. We were planning on another 4-6 days of injections (minimum) before trigger. Well, as luck would have it, I'm evidently very sensitive to this medication and I have FOUR mature follicles already. Three on my right and one on my left, all measuring 17.6mm-19.1mm. RIDICULOUS. My endometrium was already a healthy 8.2mm with a triple layer, so it should be a nice and squishy landing pad in a couple days time (this is better than I have had in the last several cycles on trigger day!).
So, the plan is that I would do one more injection of 225iu this evening, then tomorrow at 10pm (Thursday, CD9) I will trigger and we will IUI around 10am on Saturday (CD11).
Within an hour or so of my injection this evening, my ovaries started protesting. . . evidently they weren't happy with another dose of drugs. My 9pm, I could barely stand up straight and had to hobble out to the car and swallow three ibuprofen. I made it home and am now snuggled up with the heating pad on my belly. Thankfully, the ibuprofen took the brunt of the pain away. I hope this doesn't mean early ovulation for me, I'll temp the next couple of mornings just in case. We are suppose to BD tonight anyway (thankfully the meds are working!) and then abstain until our Saturday morning collection time.
Here's to baby making! With luck, the New Year will bring glad tidings indeed!
When I went in to see Dr. Awesome this morning, I had taken 4 daily injections of generic Menopur (HMG/Lepori) at 225iu, 225iu, 225iu, and 150iu. We were planning on another 4-6 days of injections (minimum) before trigger. Well, as luck would have it, I'm evidently very sensitive to this medication and I have FOUR mature follicles already. Three on my right and one on my left, all measuring 17.6mm-19.1mm. RIDICULOUS. My endometrium was already a healthy 8.2mm with a triple layer, so it should be a nice and squishy landing pad in a couple days time (this is better than I have had in the last several cycles on trigger day!).
So, the plan is that I would do one more injection of 225iu this evening, then tomorrow at 10pm (Thursday, CD9) I will trigger and we will IUI around 10am on Saturday (CD11).
Within an hour or so of my injection this evening, my ovaries started protesting. . . evidently they weren't happy with another dose of drugs. My 9pm, I could barely stand up straight and had to hobble out to the car and swallow three ibuprofen. I made it home and am now snuggled up with the heating pad on my belly. Thankfully, the ibuprofen took the brunt of the pain away. I hope this doesn't mean early ovulation for me, I'll temp the next couple of mornings just in case. We are suppose to BD tonight anyway (thankfully the meds are working!) and then abstain until our Saturday morning collection time.
Here's to baby making! With luck, the New Year will bring glad tidings indeed!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Clear for Take Off
Scan this morning revealed ovaries doing exactly what they should be doing. Yay! This means no needle aspiration for me (at least not today).
Because of an upcoming long weekend trip, we are manipulating my cycle. . . I'll continue the BCPs until Wednesday. Then on CD3, I will start injections of HMG Lepori (generic Menopur/Repronex). We will do a step down protocol. . . 3 vials (225iu)/day for 3 days, then 2 vials (150iu) on the 4th day and a scan on the 5th day (or CD7). Depending on that scan, we will decided to go up or down on the dosage. If things go according to the norm (and when do I ever follow the norm?), we may be back at the clinic for hopeful baby making on Christmas day.
Dr. Awesome said, "remind me again how you feel about twins or triplets?". :-) And reassured me that even with 6 mature follicles the chance of conceiving high order multiples (and staying pregnant to the magic 10 week mark) was slim to none given our history. However, we are slightly increased risk of triplets due to our past proven fertility but also have the fact working against us that getting and staying pregnant has been difficult. . . So, in a way we have a higher risk of being in that 10% triplet group and in another way we have a lower risk, especially of making it to the magic 10 week mark. He said to not be surprised even if we initially conceive three, if they don't all stick.
So, our plan is to proceed with up to 6 mature follicles at trigger (which reminds me, I need to order a refill!). If I have more than 6, Dr. Awesome will do a needle aspiration to remove the extras (to reduce risk of high order multiples and NOT cancel this cycle).
That photo above. . . that's my life for the next couple of weeks. I'm so excited to give myself injections. . . NOT. But, if it gets us a baby or two (heck, I'll even take three), then it's all worth it!
I feel really good about this cycle (ask me a week ago and I was ready to bag it all!). If this one doesn't work. . . well, then we are out of the medical route for a while. . . if it does, I'll have conceived just under the 35 year mark.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Suck Suck Suck
Beginning cycle scan today revealed. . . (drum roll please). . a huge CYST on my right ovary. No No NO!
What this means-
We have only the month of December to get this show on the road because as of January 1, my insurance benefits will be exhausted and we cannot afford to continue on our own at this time.
At first, my RE was all "we'll let you cycle on your own next time and then start the injections, blah blah blah". With tears in my eyes I informed him that would mean we are out for the time being as we can't keep going after the first of the year due to financial constraints.
So, the plan now is to take BCPs for 2-3 weeks. I return on the 9th for another scan and we are hoping that the cyst will be gone. Our other option is to aspirate the cyst with a needle inserted through my vaginal wall. Dr Awesome informed me that he doesn't like doing that but since "you are hardy" he would feel comfortable doing it. We didn't go straight for that because there is a risk of infection and the BCP could work. As long as we are ready to start injections around the 16th, we should have enough time to get the monitoring and IUI in before year end. *Fingers crossed and praying like a mad woman*.
I left the clinic with my tail between my legs and my boxes of injections in my hands. There was no lesson in giving the injections or baggie of syringes to go with. . . I'm praying these injections don't end up going to waste, it's not like we have the option of returning them.
I also received some other wonderful news today, I'm too old for shared IVF (where some other lucky lady would receive half my eggs in return for help with the cost of the cycle) and we have no apparent reason to not be pregnant yet as we are both now textbook "fertile". 24 cycles people. . . even at my "advanced maternal age of nearly 35" that's not normal. What's the statistic? Something like 85% of women "my age" conceive within two years.
In other news. I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad about our sub fertile status or mourn the baby we lost. . . because we have children. Yes, we have children. I have three and I am eternally grateful for them. Hubs has two and we are eternally grateful for them. This doesn't change the fact that I want a child with my husband. I fear losing my husband and not having our child to see him in (irrational, maybe). I am finally married to the man God intended for me. My life is pulled together. We are happy, moderately successful, and at least have enough money to make ends meet (and pay for things like orthodontia). It is incredibly unfair that we cannot have a child. I look around me and see all kinds of girls and women in bad situations having babies and laughing "don't drink the water!".
Am I greedy to desire this child? I don't think so. When I look into my amazing daughters faces, I see myself but I also see the man who hurt me in too many ways to count. I know I can't erase that (nor would I if it meant sacrificing those girls!), but I want to look into my child's face and know it was born of love. . .
What this means-
We have only the month of December to get this show on the road because as of January 1, my insurance benefits will be exhausted and we cannot afford to continue on our own at this time.
At first, my RE was all "we'll let you cycle on your own next time and then start the injections, blah blah blah". With tears in my eyes I informed him that would mean we are out for the time being as we can't keep going after the first of the year due to financial constraints.
So, the plan now is to take BCPs for 2-3 weeks. I return on the 9th for another scan and we are hoping that the cyst will be gone. Our other option is to aspirate the cyst with a needle inserted through my vaginal wall. Dr Awesome informed me that he doesn't like doing that but since "you are hardy" he would feel comfortable doing it. We didn't go straight for that because there is a risk of infection and the BCP could work. As long as we are ready to start injections around the 16th, we should have enough time to get the monitoring and IUI in before year end. *Fingers crossed and praying like a mad woman*.
I left the clinic with my tail between my legs and my boxes of injections in my hands. There was no lesson in giving the injections or baggie of syringes to go with. . . I'm praying these injections don't end up going to waste, it's not like we have the option of returning them.
I also received some other wonderful news today, I'm too old for shared IVF (where some other lucky lady would receive half my eggs in return for help with the cost of the cycle) and we have no apparent reason to not be pregnant yet as we are both now textbook "fertile". 24 cycles people. . . even at my "advanced maternal age of nearly 35" that's not normal. What's the statistic? Something like 85% of women "my age" conceive within two years.
In other news. I feel like I'm not allowed to be sad about our sub fertile status or mourn the baby we lost. . . because we have children. Yes, we have children. I have three and I am eternally grateful for them. Hubs has two and we are eternally grateful for them. This doesn't change the fact that I want a child with my husband. I fear losing my husband and not having our child to see him in (irrational, maybe). I am finally married to the man God intended for me. My life is pulled together. We are happy, moderately successful, and at least have enough money to make ends meet (and pay for things like orthodontia). It is incredibly unfair that we cannot have a child. I look around me and see all kinds of girls and women in bad situations having babies and laughing "don't drink the water!".
Am I greedy to desire this child? I don't think so. When I look into my amazing daughters faces, I see myself but I also see the man who hurt me in too many ways to count. I know I can't erase that (nor would I if it meant sacrificing those girls!), but I want to look into my child's face and know it was born of love. . .
Saturday, November 24, 2012
UGH.
I've known that my November cycle was a bust for 5 days. . . but, of course, my LP was 17 days AGAIN. It's torture to know there isn't a baby growing and to have AF not show up. The mind starts playing tricks, "well, maybe you ARE pregnant. . . maybe the tests were wrong. . . ".
And then, AF finally shows up.
I have 20 vials of HMG Lepori (European generic for Menopur/Repronex) waiting. . . but I was praying and hoping I wouldn't have to use them. I honestly thought I had purchased them as a safeguard. . . I was wasting the money, but I was okay with that because a viable pregnancy was worth it.
So. . . knowing my cycle failed. . . having AF show up. . . has brought torrents of tears. I'm scared. Having the injections here and actually using them are two very different things. I'm a bit worried about giving them to myself (in my rear, no less) but I've had no issues giving myself the HCG injection, so I'm sure I will be fine.
I didn't know (until I researched more) that the menotropins are made from the urine of menopausal women. Strange isn't it that we use a hormone from women who are done with their childbearing years to trick our bodies into being more fertile.
My fear also involves what ifs. . . what if the injections work too well and I end up with too many eggs to continue with an IUI cycle? We can't afford to switch to IVF if that happens and this is our last ditch effort since we will be out of funds for the foreseeable future after this cycle. I also worry that if this cycle drags out too long, we will hit the point where our 50% copay comes back (Jan. 1). We've already hit our out of pocket maximum this year so for the December cycle our insurance will cover 100% (excluding the injections) until I reach our lifetime maximum for infertility. After this cycle, our insurance benefit will be maxed out and we have already exhausted our medical savings account. So, it'll be back to the drawing board to figure out what's next.
I wish I had the option to convert this cycle to IVF if the need arises. I don't know how much it would cost to convert at the point of retrieval (full cycle is $8,500 + meds). My insurance might cover $2,000-$2,500 (depending on what's left of our benefit). I'm guessing we'd still need to pay $5-7k for retrieval, fertilization, & transfer (more if ICSI is needed or if there are embryos to freeze). Sure, we *could* charge it, but we are in the middle of refinancing our house to buy our in-laws out and we are carrying two mortgages (until we can sell the other house) and we are trying hard to pay off debt (my husband, the teacher man, just realized that over the last 15 years he has paid $32,000 toward his students loans. . . his original loan balance was $28,000 and we still have a balance of $20,000. He doesn't qualify for the federal pay off program of $17,500 even though he's taught both special education AND worked in a poverty level low income school for 15 years, guess why? Because he graduated a year too early for the program, so his slightly younger co-teachers are debt free and we are still slaving away at it, but I digress). We also have one child who just started round one of braces and two more about to start.
What I'm getting at here. . . yes, we could *technically* charge the cost but it would be irresponsible to do so. I wish I could wave a magic wand and figure out how to materialize the needed $. We don't qualify for scholarship programs because each of us has biological kids (just none together).
Some say, "why don't you just adopt". I would, if it were that easy. . . we have numerous factors against us. First, the cost ($20-$30k). Secondly, we have five kids between us and previous marriages, so those are both strikes against us in the selection process. Third, my husband is over 40 now which is the age when parents become less desirable in the matching process. Fourth, I came from an extremely difficult childhood. . . I've found the home study process for foster care to be so emotional grueling that I don't know if I can weather any more. I put away all my old wounds and allowed them to scar over. . . the home study process is like slicing open those scars and letting things fester again. I need to be emotionally healthy for the children we have and the children I take care of every day. . . I can't go through a traumatic process that may cause me to slip into a depression or have trouble focusing on the day to day obligations and needs of the 12-16 kids I care for every day.
I am seriously considering foster care adoption (if I can get beyond this emotional trauma part). . . it won't cost us much or anything. But, I won't get a baby and while I will open my home to as many children as God sees fit, I need a baby. I want my children to bond from infancy. . . I want to breastfeed. . . I want to watch my husband snuggle our little one to sleep (having watched him with the babies in my childcare makes my heart ache).
I can say without a doubt that if someone handed me $20,000 and said "this is for adoption", we would find the baby that is waiting for us. My husband has already stated over and over that he doesn't feel it's financially responsible to seek out adoption until we've paid down debt. That's why I state we'd have to be given funds for that purpose only. . . as we all know, that will never happen. So, in the meantime, I sit in this twilight zone. This place where I can't get pregnant and almost don't believe I ever will.
I keep having dreams that I suddenly find myself pregnant at 40 or 50, when my youngest is in high school (she's almost 8 now) and it causes me to question being open to children forever. How would I react to the news that I was starting over after my children were almost grown and I was looking forward to grandparenting years? My conviction is that I will remain open to children as long as I'm living. . . obviously, nature will play it's hand in time and I will no longer have the option of conception. My husband, already 41, is on the fence about his age and having babies in the house. We keep reminding ourselves that God has a plan, which we can never know, and He knows better than us in all things.
And then, AF finally shows up.
I have 20 vials of HMG Lepori (European generic for Menopur/Repronex) waiting. . . but I was praying and hoping I wouldn't have to use them. I honestly thought I had purchased them as a safeguard. . . I was wasting the money, but I was okay with that because a viable pregnancy was worth it.
So. . . knowing my cycle failed. . . having AF show up. . . has brought torrents of tears. I'm scared. Having the injections here and actually using them are two very different things. I'm a bit worried about giving them to myself (in my rear, no less) but I've had no issues giving myself the HCG injection, so I'm sure I will be fine.
I didn't know (until I researched more) that the menotropins are made from the urine of menopausal women. Strange isn't it that we use a hormone from women who are done with their childbearing years to trick our bodies into being more fertile.
My fear also involves what ifs. . . what if the injections work too well and I end up with too many eggs to continue with an IUI cycle? We can't afford to switch to IVF if that happens and this is our last ditch effort since we will be out of funds for the foreseeable future after this cycle. I also worry that if this cycle drags out too long, we will hit the point where our 50% copay comes back (Jan. 1). We've already hit our out of pocket maximum this year so for the December cycle our insurance will cover 100% (excluding the injections) until I reach our lifetime maximum for infertility. After this cycle, our insurance benefit will be maxed out and we have already exhausted our medical savings account. So, it'll be back to the drawing board to figure out what's next.
I wish I had the option to convert this cycle to IVF if the need arises. I don't know how much it would cost to convert at the point of retrieval (full cycle is $8,500 + meds). My insurance might cover $2,000-$2,500 (depending on what's left of our benefit). I'm guessing we'd still need to pay $5-7k for retrieval, fertilization, & transfer (more if ICSI is needed or if there are embryos to freeze). Sure, we *could* charge it, but we are in the middle of refinancing our house to buy our in-laws out and we are carrying two mortgages (until we can sell the other house) and we are trying hard to pay off debt (my husband, the teacher man, just realized that over the last 15 years he has paid $32,000 toward his students loans. . . his original loan balance was $28,000 and we still have a balance of $20,000. He doesn't qualify for the federal pay off program of $17,500 even though he's taught both special education AND worked in a poverty level low income school for 15 years, guess why? Because he graduated a year too early for the program, so his slightly younger co-teachers are debt free and we are still slaving away at it, but I digress). We also have one child who just started round one of braces and two more about to start.
What I'm getting at here. . . yes, we could *technically* charge the cost but it would be irresponsible to do so. I wish I could wave a magic wand and figure out how to materialize the needed $. We don't qualify for scholarship programs because each of us has biological kids (just none together).
Some say, "why don't you just adopt". I would, if it were that easy. . . we have numerous factors against us. First, the cost ($20-$30k). Secondly, we have five kids between us and previous marriages, so those are both strikes against us in the selection process. Third, my husband is over 40 now which is the age when parents become less desirable in the matching process. Fourth, I came from an extremely difficult childhood. . . I've found the home study process for foster care to be so emotional grueling that I don't know if I can weather any more. I put away all my old wounds and allowed them to scar over. . . the home study process is like slicing open those scars and letting things fester again. I need to be emotionally healthy for the children we have and the children I take care of every day. . . I can't go through a traumatic process that may cause me to slip into a depression or have trouble focusing on the day to day obligations and needs of the 12-16 kids I care for every day.
I am seriously considering foster care adoption (if I can get beyond this emotional trauma part). . . it won't cost us much or anything. But, I won't get a baby and while I will open my home to as many children as God sees fit, I need a baby. I want my children to bond from infancy. . . I want to breastfeed. . . I want to watch my husband snuggle our little one to sleep (having watched him with the babies in my childcare makes my heart ache).
I can say without a doubt that if someone handed me $20,000 and said "this is for adoption", we would find the baby that is waiting for us. My husband has already stated over and over that he doesn't feel it's financially responsible to seek out adoption until we've paid down debt. That's why I state we'd have to be given funds for that purpose only. . . as we all know, that will never happen. So, in the meantime, I sit in this twilight zone. This place where I can't get pregnant and almost don't believe I ever will.
I keep having dreams that I suddenly find myself pregnant at 40 or 50, when my youngest is in high school (she's almost 8 now) and it causes me to question being open to children forever. How would I react to the news that I was starting over after my children were almost grown and I was looking forward to grandparenting years? My conviction is that I will remain open to children as long as I'm living. . . obviously, nature will play it's hand in time and I will no longer have the option of conception. My husband, already 41, is on the fence about his age and having babies in the house. We keep reminding ourselves that God has a plan, which we can never know, and He knows better than us in all things.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Early Miscarriage and Moving On
No one warned me that a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks would be quite so nasty. I assumed (and no one told me differently) that it would be similar to a late menses. . I expected heavier bleeding than I would have with a normal 28-30 day non conception cycle. I did not expect the amount of tissue and clotting that happened (thankfully mostly all at once). It is quite an emotional experience to be sitting in the bathroom and find globs of what you know should be a baby growing inside your belly. . . enough said.
I've shed a few tears. . .but I'm trying to remember that there is nothing we can change about losing this pregnancy and I'm grateful the loss was so early (instead of the 9 week ultrasound my friend just had which revealed no heartbeat or the 21 week umbilical cord separation that another friend suffered a few years ago). If I hadn't broken down and taken a test (because, duh, I was 18dpo and every RE on the planet says- "18dpo and temps are still up, you are pregnant" unless of course you aren't and just have an awesome progesterone producing cyst) I wouldn't have even known I was actually, finally, pregnant.
But I digress.
We are moving in. . . because we have no other choice. My RE encouraged us to try for 2-3 cycles on our own (possibly with ovulation help) since he felt so confident about my weight loss/dietary changes and the impact that would have on my fertility. Evidently he was right. . . the combination did allow us to conceive, finally. Prayerfully, we will conceive again quickly and have a sticky baby.
Because my progesterone was so low this time (6.28), we are taking clomid on CD5-9 (normally I take clomid CD3-7 but we had to wait for my final beta hcg, so today it is). I'm taking 150mg as usual. We will not be using a trigger, just timing intercourse well. I'm suppose to use an ovulation predictor kit to help make sure that happens. What I learned last cycle is that spacing BD did make a big difference. . . so darling hubs will be getting his groove on only every 2-3 days until ovulation is confirmed since we know daily BD depletes the swimmers. This last cycle we got BD in 16x's in 32 days (which is still a lot) vs. our normal 30+ times. And it's the first cycle we managed to get swimmer and egg together. . . 'nuff said.
Once ovulation is confirmed, I will be starting progesterone suppositories (half 100mg 2x daily) until negative beta. . . if we get a positive, then I will continue the progesterone for at least 12 weeks.
In the past when my progesterone has been checked at 7dpo, it's been decent (15-20) on medicated cycles. . we haven't tested it in unmedicated cycles but my luteal phase and temps have been pretty good which normally is an indicator of happy progesterone.
We won't be attempting anymore treatment until at least October when our FSA resets and at this time we are still up in the air as to whether it'll be more IUI with injectables or onto IVF. IVF is a hard one for me given what I believe about creation of life. . .but it's amazing what we can convince ourselves to do in order to have a child. I'm praying we won't have to make that decision.
I've shed a few tears. . .but I'm trying to remember that there is nothing we can change about losing this pregnancy and I'm grateful the loss was so early (instead of the 9 week ultrasound my friend just had which revealed no heartbeat or the 21 week umbilical cord separation that another friend suffered a few years ago). If I hadn't broken down and taken a test (because, duh, I was 18dpo and every RE on the planet says- "18dpo and temps are still up, you are pregnant" unless of course you aren't and just have an awesome progesterone producing cyst) I wouldn't have even known I was actually, finally, pregnant.
But I digress.
We are moving in. . . because we have no other choice. My RE encouraged us to try for 2-3 cycles on our own (possibly with ovulation help) since he felt so confident about my weight loss/dietary changes and the impact that would have on my fertility. Evidently he was right. . . the combination did allow us to conceive, finally. Prayerfully, we will conceive again quickly and have a sticky baby.
Because my progesterone was so low this time (6.28), we are taking clomid on CD5-9 (normally I take clomid CD3-7 but we had to wait for my final beta hcg, so today it is). I'm taking 150mg as usual. We will not be using a trigger, just timing intercourse well. I'm suppose to use an ovulation predictor kit to help make sure that happens. What I learned last cycle is that spacing BD did make a big difference. . . so darling hubs will be getting his groove on only every 2-3 days until ovulation is confirmed since we know daily BD depletes the swimmers. This last cycle we got BD in 16x's in 32 days (which is still a lot) vs. our normal 30+ times. And it's the first cycle we managed to get swimmer and egg together. . . 'nuff said.
Once ovulation is confirmed, I will be starting progesterone suppositories (half 100mg 2x daily) until negative beta. . . if we get a positive, then I will continue the progesterone for at least 12 weeks.
In the past when my progesterone has been checked at 7dpo, it's been decent (15-20) on medicated cycles. . we haven't tested it in unmedicated cycles but my luteal phase and temps have been pretty good which normally is an indicator of happy progesterone.
We won't be attempting anymore treatment until at least October when our FSA resets and at this time we are still up in the air as to whether it'll be more IUI with injectables or onto IVF. IVF is a hard one for me given what I believe about creation of life. . .but it's amazing what we can convince ourselves to do in order to have a child. I'm praying we won't have to make that decision.
Monday, March 5, 2012
POAS Obsession...
I'm pretty sure every infertile has it (and plenty of those without IF issues)... I really tried to be more patient this cycle...
But I caved... I tested at 10dpIUI and got a negative... 12dpIUI negative again.
I know there is a good chance that I ovulated those three eggs between CD13 & 15 (IUI was on CD13, trigger CD12 AM), so my brain understands that this may have been too early to test... but the practical side of me is assuming I'm not knocked up and planning what comes next.
What I learned today...
Our Medical FSA will be exhausted after we pay for our current cycle until October 1 (new plan year). We have approximately $1500 left of insurance coverage for IF (paid at 50%). I called the clinic to get a coded list of all the billings since this journey started AND I called the insurance company to get a detailed list of EOB's since January 1, 2011. This way, I can compare all the IF payments and make sure we don't lose out on any benefits due to improper coding.
What else I learned today... One cycle of IVF is $8850 + meds ($2-$4K). A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is $1250.
In hindsight... I could have jumped in with one shot at IVF... between our insurance coverage and what we've spent so far, we could have funded ONE IVF cycle... If only we could know these things in advance... at my age, in my health, with my stats... I'm an "excellent" outcome for IVF so the chance of one shot working is high. At this point, we just can't afford it. Maybe, if we save our kiesters off we could afford a cycle in a year. However, by the end of 2012, I will be 35 and my success rate will drop dramatically.
I just don't see it ever being an option for us... neither is private adoption because the cost is insurmountable in our current situation. We have other things that all our extra money MUST go to in the next 12 months in order to avoid selling our home when the co-owners want bought out (looooong story) early next year.
If I had the option, I would increase my work load to net as much income as I could in the next several months... however, I'm regulated by the state and can't increase my load. Since DD is a teacher, his salary is capped (not to mention the pay cuts he's taken each of the last three years). So, barring a miracle this may be the end of the road for us.
I know that technically we aren't out until AF shows up (this weekend... while we are at a much needed weekend retreat).
Symptom wise, here's where I'm at:
Skin breakout, HOLY CRIPES. My chin is a cystic volcano mess. Ouch.
Heartburn (constant)
Slight cramps here and there (since 3 or 4dpIUI)
Sore breasts
Bloating
Lots of watery and creamy CM
Sensitivity to smells
Not emotional (this is very odd considering the hormonal drug induced rage I normally have at this point in my cycle).
Craving LEMON, this has never happened before. It's been unbearable for the last 3 days. I bought a giant bag of lemons at Costco...
Barring the negative pee sticks on 10 and 12 dpIUI, I'd swear this lady was knocked up... given those tests I'm thinking this is all drug induced (and perhaps related to high progesterone from 3 follicles forming CL cysts).
But I caved... I tested at 10dpIUI and got a negative... 12dpIUI negative again.
I know there is a good chance that I ovulated those three eggs between CD13 & 15 (IUI was on CD13, trigger CD12 AM), so my brain understands that this may have been too early to test... but the practical side of me is assuming I'm not knocked up and planning what comes next.
What I learned today...
Our Medical FSA will be exhausted after we pay for our current cycle until October 1 (new plan year). We have approximately $1500 left of insurance coverage for IF (paid at 50%). I called the clinic to get a coded list of all the billings since this journey started AND I called the insurance company to get a detailed list of EOB's since January 1, 2011. This way, I can compare all the IF payments and make sure we don't lose out on any benefits due to improper coding.
What else I learned today... One cycle of IVF is $8850 + meds ($2-$4K). A frozen embryo transfer (FET) is $1250.
In hindsight... I could have jumped in with one shot at IVF... between our insurance coverage and what we've spent so far, we could have funded ONE IVF cycle... If only we could know these things in advance... at my age, in my health, with my stats... I'm an "excellent" outcome for IVF so the chance of one shot working is high. At this point, we just can't afford it. Maybe, if we save our kiesters off we could afford a cycle in a year. However, by the end of 2012, I will be 35 and my success rate will drop dramatically.
I just don't see it ever being an option for us... neither is private adoption because the cost is insurmountable in our current situation. We have other things that all our extra money MUST go to in the next 12 months in order to avoid selling our home when the co-owners want bought out (looooong story) early next year.
If I had the option, I would increase my work load to net as much income as I could in the next several months... however, I'm regulated by the state and can't increase my load. Since DD is a teacher, his salary is capped (not to mention the pay cuts he's taken each of the last three years). So, barring a miracle this may be the end of the road for us.
I know that technically we aren't out until AF shows up (this weekend... while we are at a much needed weekend retreat).
Symptom wise, here's where I'm at:
Skin breakout, HOLY CRIPES. My chin is a cystic volcano mess. Ouch.
Heartburn (constant)
Slight cramps here and there (since 3 or 4dpIUI)
Sore breasts
Bloating
Lots of watery and creamy CM
Sensitivity to smells
Not emotional (this is very odd considering the hormonal drug induced rage I normally have at this point in my cycle).
Craving LEMON, this has never happened before. It's been unbearable for the last 3 days. I bought a giant bag of lemons at Costco...
Barring the negative pee sticks on 10 and 12 dpIUI, I'd swear this lady was knocked up... given those tests I'm thinking this is all drug induced (and perhaps related to high progesterone from 3 follicles forming CL cysts).
Monday, February 20, 2012
It's a GO
Today is CD12. Scan revealed 3 nice follicles. There is a 27mm biggie on the right and two on the left at 18 & 21mm. We came home and DD gave me the trigger shot. I think the shot stings a bit* but is really no big deal... (keep in mind, I'm one of the tough girls... high pain threshold).
Dr. Awesome asked me before the scan which ovary I thought was going... I said, both... my right and left have both been giving me pain but that yesterday my left out stepped my right a bit on the tenderness scale. After looking, he said "you sure know your ovaries".
He then went on to joke about triplets. How it'd be a walk in the park with all my other help at home... I could just lounge in my silk bed and let the older kids hold babies and bring them to me for nursing rotation. :-) I then added in how my body likes to keep my babies in forever so they'd come out nice and big... Dr. A said, yep 9 pounders around! Haha... as if.
I'm not too worried about getting triplets although I know there's a chance... but I've had 3 follicles before and didn't get even one to fertilize.
This is it... I'm feeling good. I feel really positive about this cycle. I know that in a couple days the HCG will kick in and I'll start to feel pregnant and my emotions will be all over the place, but for today, I feel positive. 1, 2, or 3... we will be thrilled and deal with whatever. DD may have a stroke, but we will get through. :-)
IUI at 9:45 AM tomorrow, 2/21/12. Praying like a mad woman! (BTW, we've been good at spacing BD so that we have a good swimmer count... BD on CD10, IUI on CD13, then BD at will).
*DD just disclosed to me that the reason my belly fat is feeling a bit stingy and bruised is because he {oops} pulled the syringe out at an angle and it kind of popped out... think needle dragging sideways instead of going straight in and out. Hmmmm... that explains the discomfort. Praying we don't have to get better at giving shots.
Keep in mind, this is the man that was worried about stabbing my intestines "or something"... my snorted response was "have you seen my belly fat?". It's just a little bruise people. Nothing to get excited about.
Oh, and the gas has started. Is it just me... right before ovulation I get GASSY. Not stinky like... just a lot of bloat and pressure and gas like a tire leak... I'm just saying...
Dr. Awesome asked me before the scan which ovary I thought was going... I said, both... my right and left have both been giving me pain but that yesterday my left out stepped my right a bit on the tenderness scale. After looking, he said "you sure know your ovaries".
He then went on to joke about triplets. How it'd be a walk in the park with all my other help at home... I could just lounge in my silk bed and let the older kids hold babies and bring them to me for nursing rotation. :-) I then added in how my body likes to keep my babies in forever so they'd come out nice and big... Dr. A said, yep 9 pounders around! Haha... as if.
I'm not too worried about getting triplets although I know there's a chance... but I've had 3 follicles before and didn't get even one to fertilize.
This is it... I'm feeling good. I feel really positive about this cycle. I know that in a couple days the HCG will kick in and I'll start to feel pregnant and my emotions will be all over the place, but for today, I feel positive. 1, 2, or 3... we will be thrilled and deal with whatever. DD may have a stroke, but we will get through. :-)
IUI at 9:45 AM tomorrow, 2/21/12. Praying like a mad woman! (BTW, we've been good at spacing BD so that we have a good swimmer count... BD on CD10, IUI on CD13, then BD at will).
*DD just disclosed to me that the reason my belly fat is feeling a bit stingy and bruised is because he {oops} pulled the syringe out at an angle and it kind of popped out... think needle dragging sideways instead of going straight in and out. Hmmmm... that explains the discomfort. Praying we don't have to get better at giving shots.
Keep in mind, this is the man that was worried about stabbing my intestines "or something"... my snorted response was "have you seen my belly fat?". It's just a little bruise people. Nothing to get excited about.
Oh, and the gas has started. Is it just me... right before ovulation I get GASSY. Not stinky like... just a lot of bloat and pressure and gas like a tire leak... I'm just saying...
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Cycle 4 Marches On... Hormones & Moods
Today is CD7 and I took my last dose of Clomid (150mg) today. My Pregnyl will arrive Friday. Monday (CD12), we go back to the clinic for a scan which will decide whether we trigger that day or wait a bit longer.
I've been a hormonal, emotional mess... it seems to get worse with each cycle (build up of medications?) and with the addition of HCG last cycle. I'm weepy... for the last week or so of my cycle I couldn't have a rational conversation... everything was overwhelming.
Anyway... time marches on... funds are dwindling. I'm pretty sure this is our last cycle for a while. I'll know more once the cycle is finished and I can look at the remaining funds. Either way, we will be taking a treatment break soon while we regroup and save. I feel like October will be the earliest we could tackle a fertility cycle again.
I'm really feeling the call to foster parenting. DD isn't convinced yet... but I think we may start tackling certification soon. Perhaps, my love for children is the very reason we haven't conceived... perhaps, God's plan is for us to love the orphans. I'm good with that.
I've been a hormonal, emotional mess... it seems to get worse with each cycle (build up of medications?) and with the addition of HCG last cycle. I'm weepy... for the last week or so of my cycle I couldn't have a rational conversation... everything was overwhelming.
Anyway... time marches on... funds are dwindling. I'm pretty sure this is our last cycle for a while. I'll know more once the cycle is finished and I can look at the remaining funds. Either way, we will be taking a treatment break soon while we regroup and save. I feel like October will be the earliest we could tackle a fertility cycle again.
I'm really feeling the call to foster parenting. DD isn't convinced yet... but I think we may start tackling certification soon. Perhaps, my love for children is the very reason we haven't conceived... perhaps, God's plan is for us to love the orphans. I'm good with that.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Cycle 4 Begins
Today is CD1... the start of our next cycle. We are going with the same routine as last cycle... baseline scan on CD3, clomid CD3-7, monitoring scan on CD12, Pregnyl 10,000 trigger injection when follicles are big and happy, followed by IUI 24 hours later.
The good news... we took in Devoted Daddy's swimmers for a check up on Monday, everything looks spiffy and we are good to go for this cycle... we just know that the 3 day abstinence is a MUST.
I'm still going for weekly acupuncture... I feel like I am getting more relaxed during treatment... almost like a heaviness over me, but I'm still semi-aware. Today, I didn't open my eyes at all during the treatment but I do remember sounds around me. It was a nice feeling.
I must say... the HCG trigger gave me some interesting PMS symptoms. My new cycle started 18 days post trigger (17 days post O)... so, my LP was longer than normal (could this be due to the higher progesterone with multiple follicles?). My ability to cope was limited the last few days to week... it's just not a good time to have a serious conversation with me. My sense of smell was heightened to an almost ridiculous level. I was tired... all the time.
I tested out the HCG shot on CD4 and CD5 with a digital test (I had freebies from my ovulation packs here). CD4 proclaimed "pregnant" (when I knew otherwise, evil device!)... CD5 was correct with "not pregnant". I tested again at CD11 and CD12 with First Response Early Tests... just in case we managed a miracle despite our low swimmer count... they were both negative, of course. When my LP reached 16 days, I was hopeful that I was in for a late positive... but my temp had dropped so I knew better.
Part of me wants to go on fertility vacation... quit worrying about it for a while. The practical part of me knows that I'm much to OCD and would still stalk my chart and obsess over the possibility... so it wouldn't be a break... it would just be no assistance.
That said... I'm surrounded by pregnant women lately. What's up with that??? Torture or signs of things to come... or just plain dumb luck...
The good news... we took in Devoted Daddy's swimmers for a check up on Monday, everything looks spiffy and we are good to go for this cycle... we just know that the 3 day abstinence is a MUST.
I'm still going for weekly acupuncture... I feel like I am getting more relaxed during treatment... almost like a heaviness over me, but I'm still semi-aware. Today, I didn't open my eyes at all during the treatment but I do remember sounds around me. It was a nice feeling.
I must say... the HCG trigger gave me some interesting PMS symptoms. My new cycle started 18 days post trigger (17 days post O)... so, my LP was longer than normal (could this be due to the higher progesterone with multiple follicles?). My ability to cope was limited the last few days to week... it's just not a good time to have a serious conversation with me. My sense of smell was heightened to an almost ridiculous level. I was tired... all the time.
I tested out the HCG shot on CD4 and CD5 with a digital test (I had freebies from my ovulation packs here). CD4 proclaimed "pregnant" (when I knew otherwise, evil device!)... CD5 was correct with "not pregnant". I tested again at CD11 and CD12 with First Response Early Tests... just in case we managed a miracle despite our low swimmer count... they were both negative, of course. When my LP reached 16 days, I was hopeful that I was in for a late positive... but my temp had dropped so I knew better.
Part of me wants to go on fertility vacation... quit worrying about it for a while. The practical part of me knows that I'm much to OCD and would still stalk my chart and obsess over the possibility... so it wouldn't be a break... it would just be no assistance.
That said... I'm surrounded by pregnant women lately. What's up with that??? Torture or signs of things to come... or just plain dumb luck...
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
And We March On...
Every single month AF arrives and I go into mourning. Seriously. It's like a death each time I discover I am not expecting YET AGAIN. We've technically been on this infertility journey for 15 cycles now... my baby will be 7 in a weeks time... I haven't conceived in 7 years, 9 months...
To make matters worse... I had to go baby gift shopping for my husbands coworker. I am happy for each and every new baby that arrives, don't get me wrong. But it's a horrible thing to spend hours shopping for baby gifts as you've started bleeding and discovered that there is not a baby in your near future.
And the money... ugh... life is so unfair when some of us have to spend a fortune to conceive a child. We are quickly going to run out of funds and have to stop treatments for an unknown amount of time.
I know I'm blessed... I conceived 5 times and gave birth to three beautiful children during my early-mid 20's. I am so incredibly grateful for these amazing children... and I gained two more via marriage... I have five amazing kiddos. But none of that changes the pain of infertility. It's funny... this bout has been much harder on me emotionally than the first time around... when I was a young (and yes, naive) 21 year old. Back then, I don't think it ever really crossed my mind that I might not be able to conceive and carry a child to term...
I've had my post-op appt. Dr. Awesome confirmed that we are good to go with cycle #3. The plan this time is a bit different since we missed ovulation and had IUI the morning after last cycle.
I will have a monitoring ultrasound on CD12... and an HCG trigger shot... then we will schedule IUI. There is a chance that I will have to go back in every 2-3 days to monitor if my follicles aren't looking promising on CD12, but it's better than risking another cycle fail due to timing. My body just doesn't cooperate with the OPK's (due to the PCOS?).
We are praying that a baby is in our near future... I have almost a whole set of FLIP diapers tucked away in my drawer now... I had a theory that if I bought them a couple at a time, I wouldn't have a big expense all at once. Great theory, but I was counting on actually getting to use the diapers. :-)
To make matters worse... I had to go baby gift shopping for my husbands coworker. I am happy for each and every new baby that arrives, don't get me wrong. But it's a horrible thing to spend hours shopping for baby gifts as you've started bleeding and discovered that there is not a baby in your near future.
And the money... ugh... life is so unfair when some of us have to spend a fortune to conceive a child. We are quickly going to run out of funds and have to stop treatments for an unknown amount of time.
I know I'm blessed... I conceived 5 times and gave birth to three beautiful children during my early-mid 20's. I am so incredibly grateful for these amazing children... and I gained two more via marriage... I have five amazing kiddos. But none of that changes the pain of infertility. It's funny... this bout has been much harder on me emotionally than the first time around... when I was a young (and yes, naive) 21 year old. Back then, I don't think it ever really crossed my mind that I might not be able to conceive and carry a child to term...
I've had my post-op appt. Dr. Awesome confirmed that we are good to go with cycle #3. The plan this time is a bit different since we missed ovulation and had IUI the morning after last cycle.
I will have a monitoring ultrasound on CD12... and an HCG trigger shot... then we will schedule IUI. There is a chance that I will have to go back in every 2-3 days to monitor if my follicles aren't looking promising on CD12, but it's better than risking another cycle fail due to timing. My body just doesn't cooperate with the OPK's (due to the PCOS?).
We are praying that a baby is in our near future... I have almost a whole set of FLIP diapers tucked away in my drawer now... I had a theory that if I bought them a couple at a time, I wouldn't have a big expense all at once. Great theory, but I was counting on actually getting to use the diapers. :-)
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Cycle 2- FAIL
Today officially marks the end to cycle 2... AF showed up.
I knew we were out of this cycle two days ago when my BBT dropped almost a full degree. I was surprised AF didn't show yesterday but what I've noticed with medicated cycles is that my progesterone is good (19.6 cycle 1, 23.4 cycle 2)... while I don't know what my progesterone was on non-medicated cycles, I'm assuming that my slightly longer LP is due to the progesterone taking a bit longer to get out of my system since it's a nice, high value at 7dpo.
My progesterone draw on CD22, confirmed my ovulation for CD15 (day of u/s scan) and we didn't IUI until CD16 because scan on CD15 showed one big follicle at 26mm and the LH surge showed on my OPK later that morning... we were assuming O was going to be the NEXT day. However, I woke up on CD16 to an elevated BBT indicating O had occurred already and our IUI wasn't scheduled until 10:30AM.
We went ahead with the IUI... I was praying that the combination of my cervix still being slightly open (IUI cath could PAINFULLY pass through without breaking scar tissue this time) and BD on CD13 PM, combined with IUI on CD16 that we still had a chance...
Amazingly, I've been much calmer this cycle (even calmer than the last cycle). A combination of acupuncture, a plan, and expecting it to NOT work... ? I didn't even really cry this time, although I had a few moments of self pity.
My surgery is scheduled for Dec. 22. Dr. A will go in an remove all the endometriosis implants (including any on my bladder and bowel), flush my tubes to make sure they are clear (and remove blockages if possible), and fully dilate my cervix to break up all the scar tissue keeping it closed.
I'm a bit apprehensive about surgery... but at the same time, I'm looking forward to it. Prayerfully, we will get an all clear afterward and be able to conceive (naturally, even?) OR we will at least have a name as to what is wrong with me. I'm pretty confident that if Dr. A comes back with a poor prognosis, we won't be able to even consider IVF (due to finances among other concerns)... so at that point, I will have to close the book on pregnancy and start exploring foster/adoption (which is likely in our future whether we conceive or not).
I knew we were out of this cycle two days ago when my BBT dropped almost a full degree. I was surprised AF didn't show yesterday but what I've noticed with medicated cycles is that my progesterone is good (19.6 cycle 1, 23.4 cycle 2)... while I don't know what my progesterone was on non-medicated cycles, I'm assuming that my slightly longer LP is due to the progesterone taking a bit longer to get out of my system since it's a nice, high value at 7dpo.
My progesterone draw on CD22, confirmed my ovulation for CD15 (day of u/s scan) and we didn't IUI until CD16 because scan on CD15 showed one big follicle at 26mm and the LH surge showed on my OPK later that morning... we were assuming O was going to be the NEXT day. However, I woke up on CD16 to an elevated BBT indicating O had occurred already and our IUI wasn't scheduled until 10:30AM.
We went ahead with the IUI... I was praying that the combination of my cervix still being slightly open (IUI cath could PAINFULLY pass through without breaking scar tissue this time) and BD on CD13 PM, combined with IUI on CD16 that we still had a chance...
Amazingly, I've been much calmer this cycle (even calmer than the last cycle). A combination of acupuncture, a plan, and expecting it to NOT work... ? I didn't even really cry this time, although I had a few moments of self pity.
My surgery is scheduled for Dec. 22. Dr. A will go in an remove all the endometriosis implants (including any on my bladder and bowel), flush my tubes to make sure they are clear (and remove blockages if possible), and fully dilate my cervix to break up all the scar tissue keeping it closed.
I'm a bit apprehensive about surgery... but at the same time, I'm looking forward to it. Prayerfully, we will get an all clear afterward and be able to conceive (naturally, even?) OR we will at least have a name as to what is wrong with me. I'm pretty confident that if Dr. A comes back with a poor prognosis, we won't be able to even consider IVF (due to finances among other concerns)... so at that point, I will have to close the book on pregnancy and start exploring foster/adoption (which is likely in our future whether we conceive or not).
Monday, November 28, 2011
Cycle #2
Well... on CD15 I was ready to bag this cycle and call it a wash.
I had not even the faintest hint of a line on the OPK... I was having pain, but it was different than the ovulatory pain I experienced in the previous cycle. My CM was inconclusive... it's always kind of milky in color, but appeared to be thinner and more watery... since I have severe scarring of my cervix I know that CM isn't a reliable indicator for me. My cervix had moved higher and seemed to be softening...
So... I called Dr. Awesome's office. They suggested I either wait a few more days to see if a surge shows up -OR- go in for a scan and possible trigger. I opted for the scan.
Scan shows 1 follicle on my right ovary, 26mm. We do a progesterone draw to confirm that we haven't missed ovulation. Progesterone is .84 indicating I have not yet ovulated as of 10:30 am on CD15.
Once I return home, OPK's start showing a surge. By early afternoon it is fully positive. We are scheduled the following morning for IUI.
CD16, my temp is UP (WHAT?). 10:15 am, we are in the RE's office... sample is prepped and IUI goes off a bit smoother than last cycle, although still quite painful. My cervix remained open enough to get the catheter through... slowly and painfully. Thankfully, they didn't have to break through the scar tissue again.
Today, I'm 3dpo... concerned we actually missed our IUI window. Wondering what a better method will be for the next cycle (a few months away). Also, concerned that I had one cycle of great response to clomid and this one is piddly.
We did BD w/ Pre~Seed evening of CD13, hopefully with my cervix open and the extra fluids some of those swimmers made it to where they belong. So... BD CD13, O CD15, IUI CD16... the IUI could still be productive if my O was in the few hours before I woke up... if it was during the day on CD15 we are probably out of luck unless those swimmers made there way and hung out from our romp on CD13.
The next two cycles are breaks... well, technically, I'm having surgery on Dec. 22 for the endometriosis, cervical stenosis, & bladder pain. I'm so excited to start the Christmas break with surgery. Depending on the outcome of the surgery, we will try naturally in January and possibly start IUI again in February (clomid or injectables or combination?).
I'll head in on Friday for a progesterone draw... to confirm that ovulation occurred and was strong enough. If my progesterone is low, I will be prescribed suppositories to use until AF shows.
I had not even the faintest hint of a line on the OPK... I was having pain, but it was different than the ovulatory pain I experienced in the previous cycle. My CM was inconclusive... it's always kind of milky in color, but appeared to be thinner and more watery... since I have severe scarring of my cervix I know that CM isn't a reliable indicator for me. My cervix had moved higher and seemed to be softening...
So... I called Dr. Awesome's office. They suggested I either wait a few more days to see if a surge shows up -OR- go in for a scan and possible trigger. I opted for the scan.
Scan shows 1 follicle on my right ovary, 26mm. We do a progesterone draw to confirm that we haven't missed ovulation. Progesterone is .84 indicating I have not yet ovulated as of 10:30 am on CD15.
Once I return home, OPK's start showing a surge. By early afternoon it is fully positive. We are scheduled the following morning for IUI.
CD16, my temp is UP (WHAT?). 10:15 am, we are in the RE's office... sample is prepped and IUI goes off a bit smoother than last cycle, although still quite painful. My cervix remained open enough to get the catheter through... slowly and painfully. Thankfully, they didn't have to break through the scar tissue again.
Today, I'm 3dpo... concerned we actually missed our IUI window. Wondering what a better method will be for the next cycle (a few months away). Also, concerned that I had one cycle of great response to clomid and this one is piddly.
We did BD w/ Pre~Seed evening of CD13, hopefully with my cervix open and the extra fluids some of those swimmers made it to where they belong. So... BD CD13, O CD15, IUI CD16... the IUI could still be productive if my O was in the few hours before I woke up... if it was during the day on CD15 we are probably out of luck unless those swimmers made there way and hung out from our romp on CD13.
The next two cycles are breaks... well, technically, I'm having surgery on Dec. 22 for the endometriosis, cervical stenosis, & bladder pain. I'm so excited to start the Christmas break with surgery. Depending on the outcome of the surgery, we will try naturally in January and possibly start IUI again in February (clomid or injectables or combination?).
I'll head in on Friday for a progesterone draw... to confirm that ovulation occurred and was strong enough. If my progesterone is low, I will be prescribed suppositories to use until AF shows.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Calming the Baby Tide
I spent the last two years trying to regulate my cycle and return to an ovulatory pattern. I spent the first 3 months of the year charting, ensuring BD happened on the correct days, and assuming we'd be pregnant quickly... after all, I was ovulating which was my previous cause of infertility. We'd both spawned/birthed children previously despite some obstacles.
I spent the next 7 months fretting over why I wasn't pregnant yet... what else was wrong. Then the SA came back low... VERY low... so I blamed it on that. Two weeks later the SA came back normal (after a 60 hour abstinence). So, we decided maybe it was too frequent BD draining the supply.
While waiting three months to see the RE, we spaced out BD a bit, taking breaks during my fertile window while still getting enough action to ensure adequate swimmers. We used PreSeed (messy). Still nothing... not even a hint of a line on a stick...
Honestly, I knew deep in my mind that pregnancy won't be easy to achieve... now or ever. It wasn't a dozen years ago, why would it be now? I haven't conceived in 7.5 years, and there has been plenty of drama "down there" since that pregnancy and delivery. I just wanted it to be easy this time...
Strangely enough... now that we are on a plan, I feel better. I also think a part of me is just assuming it isn't going to work so my hopes aren't as high. I want it to work... and I will be an emotional wreck if it does (or doesn't), but I feel like that's one of those far reaching dreams that just may not be.
I've calmed down over the last 5 weeks... AF wasn't even emotional for me this past cycle (normally I'm a mess). I like having a plan. I like not having to stress about when we should (or shouldn't) BD. Now I have phases- 1. AF & baseline ultrasound 2. medication 3. POAS 4. IUI 5. progesterone draw 6. AF or BETA. This helps my OCD mind function. I'm sure after a few cycles of this, it will lose it's calming affect.
As things stand, this will be our last round before a couple month break. During that break, I will likely have my cervix dilated to remove the scar tissue and possibly have surgery to remove the endometriosis. After surgery, we are undecided about waiting for a few months and seeing if it happens on its own or continuing on with a couple more IUI's.
I want to say that I will do whatever it takes to have another child... to have a child with my amazing husband. But the reality is, I don't know how we could ever afford IVF... even if we managed to save the money for a round, how could we justify it with all the other expenses of raising our family (and trying to get out of debt).
For now, we are between medication and POAS phases. Sunday starts the OPK's (CD10). We will take BD breaks on CD12-until IUI (likely CD14). We will still use PreSeed on CD10 & 11 and following IUI. Last round, we had a 3 day BD break but the total swimmer count was lower than the previous 2 day break so I don't think it's going to change our numbers much. The counts were still good and motility was good.
I spent the next 7 months fretting over why I wasn't pregnant yet... what else was wrong. Then the SA came back low... VERY low... so I blamed it on that. Two weeks later the SA came back normal (after a 60 hour abstinence). So, we decided maybe it was too frequent BD draining the supply.
While waiting three months to see the RE, we spaced out BD a bit, taking breaks during my fertile window while still getting enough action to ensure adequate swimmers. We used PreSeed (messy). Still nothing... not even a hint of a line on a stick...
Honestly, I knew deep in my mind that pregnancy won't be easy to achieve... now or ever. It wasn't a dozen years ago, why would it be now? I haven't conceived in 7.5 years, and there has been plenty of drama "down there" since that pregnancy and delivery. I just wanted it to be easy this time...
Strangely enough... now that we are on a plan, I feel better. I also think a part of me is just assuming it isn't going to work so my hopes aren't as high. I want it to work... and I will be an emotional wreck if it does (or doesn't), but I feel like that's one of those far reaching dreams that just may not be.
I've calmed down over the last 5 weeks... AF wasn't even emotional for me this past cycle (normally I'm a mess). I like having a plan. I like not having to stress about when we should (or shouldn't) BD. Now I have phases- 1. AF & baseline ultrasound 2. medication 3. POAS 4. IUI 5. progesterone draw 6. AF or BETA. This helps my OCD mind function. I'm sure after a few cycles of this, it will lose it's calming affect.
As things stand, this will be our last round before a couple month break. During that break, I will likely have my cervix dilated to remove the scar tissue and possibly have surgery to remove the endometriosis. After surgery, we are undecided about waiting for a few months and seeing if it happens on its own or continuing on with a couple more IUI's.
I want to say that I will do whatever it takes to have another child... to have a child with my amazing husband. But the reality is, I don't know how we could ever afford IVF... even if we managed to save the money for a round, how could we justify it with all the other expenses of raising our family (and trying to get out of debt).
For now, we are between medication and POAS phases. Sunday starts the OPK's (CD10). We will take BD breaks on CD12-until IUI (likely CD14). We will still use PreSeed on CD10 & 11 and following IUI. Last round, we had a 3 day BD break but the total swimmer count was lower than the previous 2 day break so I don't think it's going to change our numbers much. The counts were still good and motility was good.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Stress... AND Shingles?
I have shingles.
Related to TTC? Who knows. Generally, shingles can happen to anyone who has had chicken pox... the virus (varicella zoster) lays dormant in your body forever more and can be activated by STRESS.
It's incredibly painful... and I feel generally ill. I'm taking antivirals and using lidoderm pain patches over the rash. Putting the patches on is horrifically painful, but after about 10 minutes the pain improves. I can only leave the patches on for 12 hours so I've been going without at night. Funny, I'm not having difficulty sleeping... and I can lay on the side of the rash. It seems the steady pressure is bearable, but light friction is NOT. But, I do wake up VERY sore and don't want to move...
Evidently I can continue TTC... I'm right at the start of a new cycle and I'll be done with antivirals a week before ovulation. That said, the antivirals are considered safe during pregnancy (category B). I don't like to take even a Tylenol while I'm pregnant, so I'm glad the medicine will be done beforehand.
Yesterday I had my baseline ultrasound (CD3). I have a total of 16 anterior follicles. My uterus is clean and ready to go. I started clomid (150mg) yesterday, we are hoping 2-3 of those follies will mature and ovulate like they did last cycle. (It's great to know that my body starts with a good number of follicles, if we have to move onto IVF we know that injectables will mature all 16 of those follies.)
I'll begin using Clearblue OPK's on CD10, we are anticipating a CD14 ovulation again... which means IUI on Turkey Day! I'm still BBT charting, I like to confirm ovulation and watch for the length of my LP (and any variations). My temps are running a bit high due to the shingles virus AND clomid, so I may stop temping until CD8 (after clomid is done).
And that's about if for the next 10 days or so...
Related to TTC? Who knows. Generally, shingles can happen to anyone who has had chicken pox... the virus (varicella zoster) lays dormant in your body forever more and can be activated by STRESS.
It's incredibly painful... and I feel generally ill. I'm taking antivirals and using lidoderm pain patches over the rash. Putting the patches on is horrifically painful, but after about 10 minutes the pain improves. I can only leave the patches on for 12 hours so I've been going without at night. Funny, I'm not having difficulty sleeping... and I can lay on the side of the rash. It seems the steady pressure is bearable, but light friction is NOT. But, I do wake up VERY sore and don't want to move...
Evidently I can continue TTC... I'm right at the start of a new cycle and I'll be done with antivirals a week before ovulation. That said, the antivirals are considered safe during pregnancy (category B). I don't like to take even a Tylenol while I'm pregnant, so I'm glad the medicine will be done beforehand.
Yesterday I had my baseline ultrasound (CD3). I have a total of 16 anterior follicles. My uterus is clean and ready to go. I started clomid (150mg) yesterday, we are hoping 2-3 of those follies will mature and ovulate like they did last cycle. (It's great to know that my body starts with a good number of follicles, if we have to move onto IVF we know that injectables will mature all 16 of those follies.)
I'll begin using Clearblue OPK's on CD10, we are anticipating a CD14 ovulation again... which means IUI on Turkey Day! I'm still BBT charting, I like to confirm ovulation and watch for the length of my LP (and any variations). My temps are running a bit high due to the shingles virus AND clomid, so I may stop temping until CD8 (after clomid is done).
And that's about if for the next 10 days or so...
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
IUI Successful... On to the 2WW.
At 7PM yesterday I got a positive OPK and another one at 10PM, so we took the swimmers into the RE's office first thing this morning for washing and preparation. Devoted Daddy and I returned at 9am for an ultrasound and IUI.
The ultrasound showed that my endometrium was PERFECT! 11.6mm on CD14. YAY! It also revealed 3 BEAUTIFUL FOLLIES! The follicles measured 25, 26, & 29 mm with two on my right ovary and one on my left. Dr. Awesome said they should rupture within hours.
The IUI itself wasn't a walk in the park... these things are suppose to be easy but due to the scarring on my cervix (cervical stenosis) from previous surgeries, my cervix wasn't open and Dr. Awesome had to dilate and push through the scar tissue. Needless to say, that was a very painful experience. My biggest fear was that the scar tissue would be too significant and Dr. Awesome would say we had to move on to IVF... which I don't think we could ever afford.
We had 27 million MOTILE swimmers placed at the top of my uterus near the fallopian tubes to lie in weight for those eggs. Devoted Daddy says he's blaming me if we get triplets. :-)
I'm home now... with normal activity level, but I do have spotting and cramping. Dr. Awesome said I could expect to feel like AF was coming but that it won't.
On to phase 3... progesterone draw in 7 days. Dr. Awesome said that with three rupturing follicles I can expect a higher level of progesterone this month.
Then, 14 days from today I can POAS. If the test is a BFP, I'll go in for Beta Blood to assess HCG levels. If it's BFN, I'll wait for AF and go in for an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries have recovered enough to start clomid again. If it's BFN but AF doesn't show... we will do a blood test.
I have no clue what the chances of being pregnant this cycle are... but I'm praying for at least one sticky baby out of this! In the meantime, I'll keep charting and see how my temperature reacts to all that progesterone.
The ultrasound showed that my endometrium was PERFECT! 11.6mm on CD14. YAY! It also revealed 3 BEAUTIFUL FOLLIES! The follicles measured 25, 26, & 29 mm with two on my right ovary and one on my left. Dr. Awesome said they should rupture within hours.
The IUI itself wasn't a walk in the park... these things are suppose to be easy but due to the scarring on my cervix (cervical stenosis) from previous surgeries, my cervix wasn't open and Dr. Awesome had to dilate and push through the scar tissue. Needless to say, that was a very painful experience. My biggest fear was that the scar tissue would be too significant and Dr. Awesome would say we had to move on to IVF... which I don't think we could ever afford.
We had 27 million MOTILE swimmers placed at the top of my uterus near the fallopian tubes to lie in weight for those eggs. Devoted Daddy says he's blaming me if we get triplets. :-)
I'm home now... with normal activity level, but I do have spotting and cramping. Dr. Awesome said I could expect to feel like AF was coming but that it won't.
On to phase 3... progesterone draw in 7 days. Dr. Awesome said that with three rupturing follicles I can expect a higher level of progesterone this month.
Then, 14 days from today I can POAS. If the test is a BFP, I'll go in for Beta Blood to assess HCG levels. If it's BFN, I'll wait for AF and go in for an ultrasound to make sure my ovaries have recovered enough to start clomid again. If it's BFN but AF doesn't show... we will do a blood test.
I have no clue what the chances of being pregnant this cycle are... but I'm praying for at least one sticky baby out of this! In the meantime, I'll keep charting and see how my temperature reacts to all that progesterone.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Fertility Center Appointment and What's Next
This morning was our first appointment with the fertility center... I feel like things went well and instead of being sad (as I usually am when I discover I'm not pregnant), I feel empowered. Now, we finally have a plan of action (and I'm an action girl).
So... I am on day 36 of this cycle. That's 18dpo since I ovulated on CD18. By all signs, that should mean I am pregnant. But I'm not... I took FIVE HPT (3 different brands). At my appointment this morning, we did a blood draw for pregnancy as well (they are also checking for rubella immunity and progesterone levels). When the results come back this afternoon, we will know that's its okay to proceed with our "plan".
It looks like I have a fabulous corpus luteum cyst. That means I ovulated like I should have... the corpus luteum produced progesterone like it should have... but instead of going away after my LP, it hung around still producing progesterone. Awesome. The progesterone level will confirm this.
Now we will down regulate for two weeks (which will squash the cyst and get menses started), then start clomid on CD3-7. I will begin using OVUKIT (Clear Plan Easy) to detect the very beginning of my LH surge. When I see that first faint line, I will call the clinic and prepare to come in bright and early the next morning for IUI, swimmers in hand. :-)
In other news... when I got home from the RE, I noticed a tinsy bit of spotting has started... this could mean that AF will show up on her own, likely tomorrow. If that's the case we will shave two weeks off for the down-regulating.
Dr. agrees that a laparoscopy may be needed, given my past and increasing pain issues... BUT that those issues may not be affecting my ability to conceive. We know that I have a damaged cervix that is not producing happy cervical fluids which combined with slightly slow swimmers is our main issue. If we aren't pregnant after 3-4 medicated IUI cycles then we will dig a little deeper.
So... I am on day 36 of this cycle. That's 18dpo since I ovulated on CD18. By all signs, that should mean I am pregnant. But I'm not... I took FIVE HPT (3 different brands). At my appointment this morning, we did a blood draw for pregnancy as well (they are also checking for rubella immunity and progesterone levels). When the results come back this afternoon, we will know that's its okay to proceed with our "plan".
It looks like I have a fabulous corpus luteum cyst. That means I ovulated like I should have... the corpus luteum produced progesterone like it should have... but instead of going away after my LP, it hung around still producing progesterone. Awesome. The progesterone level will confirm this.
Now we will down regulate for two weeks (which will squash the cyst and get menses started), then start clomid on CD3-7. I will begin using OVUKIT (Clear Plan Easy) to detect the very beginning of my LH surge. When I see that first faint line, I will call the clinic and prepare to come in bright and early the next morning for IUI, swimmers in hand. :-)
In other news... when I got home from the RE, I noticed a tinsy bit of spotting has started... this could mean that AF will show up on her own, likely tomorrow. If that's the case we will shave two weeks off for the down-regulating.
Dr. agrees that a laparoscopy may be needed, given my past and increasing pain issues... BUT that those issues may not be affecting my ability to conceive. We know that I have a damaged cervix that is not producing happy cervical fluids which combined with slightly slow swimmers is our main issue. If we aren't pregnant after 3-4 medicated IUI cycles then we will dig a little deeper.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Cost of Infertilty PRE-ART
Who said baby making was inexpensive? Since we follow NFP and therefore didn't purchase birth control, I'm not saving anything there. (Some of you may be saving $360+/yr, I save that every year anyway).
Our infertility related costs will be covered at 50% by our insurance company (including IUI and IVF) with a $5,000 lifetime cap. So, we might get one round of IVF paid for at 50% if we don't exhaust our lifetime cap with diagnostics testing and IUI before then. Some medications will be covered at 50-90%, we won't know which ones until our prescriptions are in hand.
Our fertility related expenses so far~
Pre~Seed $19.99 (monthly)
OPK's $20-$33 (monthly)
Prenatal Vitamins (food based, organic) $28.00 (every two months)
Other supplements for Manic Mama $75.00 (every two months)
Supplements and vitamins for Devoted Daddy $50.00 (monthly)
Pregnancy tests $20.00 (monthly because I'm pee stick obsessed)
Preventative yeast treatments (for end of AF) $15.00 (monthly)
Acupuncture for Manic Mama $65.00 (weekly)
Online fertility charting $50 (annual)
Pre-pregnancy dental exam/cleaning $85.00 (every one should have this, insurance pays 70%)
Regular gynecologist visits (3 so far totaling $167.00 out of pocket)
Lab work for Manic Mama $584.00 (funny, insurance doesn't like to cover infertility labwork)
Lab work for Devoted Daddy $112.00 (ditto above statement)
Infertility books $100.00
When our clinic appointment rolls around in October, we will pay $200 for the first visit (normal fee is $400). We are anticipating minimal/no testing in the beginning because our tests to date have already given a clear picture of what our issue is. We may opt for a hysteroscopy to make sure my uterine lining is not severely damaged from the previous surgeries. Our fear is conceiving and losing the baby (possibly late in the pregnancy) due to uterine damage. How this procedure will be covered by insurance we aren't sure... is my old insurance responsible since it's assessing damage from a previous surgery covered under them? Will my new insurance cover it as a medically necessary procedure (based on pain/cycle issues) or will it fall under infertility diagnostics?
I have researched standard pricing for many IF treatments, but the cost of our IUI will depend on a lot of factors including medications and monitoring.
Our infertility related costs will be covered at 50% by our insurance company (including IUI and IVF) with a $5,000 lifetime cap. So, we might get one round of IVF paid for at 50% if we don't exhaust our lifetime cap with diagnostics testing and IUI before then. Some medications will be covered at 50-90%, we won't know which ones until our prescriptions are in hand.
Our fertility related expenses so far~
Pre~Seed $19.99 (monthly)
OPK's $20-$33 (monthly)
Prenatal Vitamins (food based, organic) $28.00 (every two months)
Other supplements for Manic Mama $75.00 (every two months)
Supplements and vitamins for Devoted Daddy $50.00 (monthly)
Pregnancy tests $20.00 (monthly because I'm pee stick obsessed)
Preventative yeast treatments (for end of AF) $15.00 (monthly)
Acupuncture for Manic Mama $65.00 (weekly)
Online fertility charting $50 (annual)
Pre-pregnancy dental exam/cleaning $85.00 (every one should have this, insurance pays 70%)
Regular gynecologist visits (3 so far totaling $167.00 out of pocket)
Lab work for Manic Mama $584.00 (funny, insurance doesn't like to cover infertility labwork)
Lab work for Devoted Daddy $112.00 (ditto above statement)
Infertility books $100.00
When our clinic appointment rolls around in October, we will pay $200 for the first visit (normal fee is $400). We are anticipating minimal/no testing in the beginning because our tests to date have already given a clear picture of what our issue is. We may opt for a hysteroscopy to make sure my uterine lining is not severely damaged from the previous surgeries. Our fear is conceiving and losing the baby (possibly late in the pregnancy) due to uterine damage. How this procedure will be covered by insurance we aren't sure... is my old insurance responsible since it's assessing damage from a previous surgery covered under them? Will my new insurance cover it as a medically necessary procedure (based on pain/cycle issues) or will it fall under infertility diagnostics?
I have researched standard pricing for many IF treatments, but the cost of our IUI will depend on a lot of factors including medications and monitoring.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Infertilty Recommened Reading
A Few Good Eggs
TCOYF (Recommend reading for all women)
How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup (For Dad to be, although I enjoyed it as well!)
Real Food For Mother and Baby
(The links will direct you to Amazon, I've included them purely for reference... I have nothing to gain by your use of them.)
TCOYF (Recommend reading for all women)
How to Make Love to a Plastic Cup (For Dad to be, although I enjoyed it as well!)
Real Food For Mother and Baby
(The links will direct you to Amazon, I've included them purely for reference... I have nothing to gain by your use of them.)
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