What Infertility Looks Like

Today was trigger day.  I'm sooooo looking forward to the next cycle in which I get to inject myself daily with awesome hormones that will make me a raving lunatic.

Despite the blood, this was a painless injection.  The previous injections have been done by either my husband or a nurse at the clinic.  This was the least painful injection. . . as in didn't hurt a bit and no bruise/lingering sting like I've had before.  Just some bleeding.  I've noticed that I'm bleeding more lately with pokes. . . my flu shot bleed like crazy last month.  I'm not taking aspirin, so it's a bit odd, but not anything to worry about.

BTW- despite my complete failure to produce a living child these past two years, I'm considered "proven fertility" and "it's just a matter of time".  This should make me feel better.

After our BMS tonight, I placed the order for 20 vials of Menopur.  There's nothing like shelling out a whole lot of money to make an infertile dance a jig. 

What's Next?

Our "rest" cycle ended on Saturday with the arrival of AF. Oh the joys. I did O, it looks like CD16 with a positive OPK on CD15. Things get confusing because I had a big temp rise on CD14, dip on CD15 and it rose again on CD16. My LP seems to confirm a CD16 O. So, there it is.

Despite great timing of the baby dance, the use of Pre~Seed and Guaifenesin we had no luck. 16 cycles down without even the faintest of a positive pee stick.

I was really tempted to take another rest cycle. . . in fact, I waffled all the way up until I picked up my clomid prescription at 7pm tonight (CD3 and day 1 of clomid). I decided I would take clomid CD3-7 (150mg), have a scan on CD12 and do a trigger shot. Then we will do timed intercourse and pray for the best. This cycle will only cost about $500 (which insurance will cover half of) since we are having 1 scan instead of 2 and no IUI/sperm prep. Typical cycles have been running $1200 + meds.

We have an IVF consult scheduled for May 2nd. This is a "what if?" appointment. . . it's not a set in stone this is what we are doing thing. I'm still not sure we can afford it (or justify the cost if we decide we have the cash), and I'm not sure I'm morally willing to go there.

We are also on the wait list for donor embryos. This is a pretty cost effective option at our clinic. There are no legal fees (embryos are surrendered to the clinic for adoption). It costs $3800 + meds for one cycle (vs. $8850 + meds for one stimulation cycle). The problem is that the wait list is long (two+ years). For us, it's good that the wait list is long as hubs isn't sure he is on board with the idea. I figure if we still haven't conceived by the time our names come up on the list, he will probably be much more open to the idea. And once we've been given embryos, we don't have to transfer right away. . . we can wait for a while and even pass up the chance to the next couple if we decide against it.

So, that's where we are at. I honestly cannot believe that we aren't pregnant yet. Last Easter, we were a few months into our TTC journey and I was convinced we would have a wonderful Easter surprise. Instead, AF visited. Here we are a year later with the same outcome. This infertility journey has lasted longer than my first round (baby #1 took 12 cycles). Granted, I was a dozen years younger and the only apparent issue was anovulation. Now we have a whole host of "issues". Awesome.

It's a GO

Today is CD12. Scan revealed 3 nice follicles. There is a 27mm biggie on the right and two on the left at 18 & 21mm. We came home and DD gave me the trigger shot. I think the shot stings a bit* but is really no big deal... (keep in mind, I'm one of the tough girls... high pain threshold).

Dr. Awesome asked me before the scan which ovary I thought was going... I said, both... my right and left have both been giving me pain but that yesterday my left out stepped my right a bit on the tenderness scale. After looking, he said "you sure know your ovaries".

He then went on to joke about triplets. How it'd be a walk in the park with all my other help at home... I could just lounge in my silk bed and let the older kids hold babies and bring them to me for nursing rotation. :-) I then added in how my body likes to keep my babies in forever so they'd come out nice and big... Dr. A said, yep 9 pounders around! Haha... as if.

I'm not too worried about getting triplets although I know there's a chance... but I've had 3 follicles before and didn't get even one to fertilize.

This is it... I'm feeling good. I feel really positive about this cycle. I know that in a couple days the HCG will kick in and I'll start to feel pregnant and my emotions will be all over the place, but for today, I feel positive. 1, 2, or 3... we will be thrilled and deal with whatever. DD may have a stroke, but we will get through. :-)

IUI at 9:45 AM tomorrow, 2/21/12. Praying like a mad woman! (BTW, we've been good at spacing BD so that we have a good swimmer count... BD on CD10, IUI on CD13, then BD at will).

*DD just disclosed to me that the reason my belly fat is feeling a bit stingy and bruised is because he {oops} pulled the syringe out at an angle and it kind of popped out... think needle dragging sideways instead of going straight in and out. Hmmmm... that explains the discomfort. Praying we don't have to get better at giving shots.

Keep in mind, this is the man that was worried about stabbing my intestines "or something"... my snorted response was "have you seen my belly fat?". It's just a little bruise people. Nothing to get excited about.

Oh, and the gas has started. Is it just me... right before ovulation I get GASSY. Not stinky like... just a lot of bloat and pressure and gas like a tire leak... I'm just saying...