Infertility Sucks

I haven't had a proper drink in nearly two years. . .

When I have pain, I have to evaluate where I am in my cycle to determine if I can take ibuprofen. . .

Every time AF shows up I'm a weepy mess. . .

Everyone around me is pregnant. . . including teenagers who have no business having sex. . .

My maternity clothes are being worn by other women. . .

Before having sex, we must figure out where I am in my cycle and decide if we've had the appropriate length of a "break" since the last time we had sex (for sperm count). . .

My entire life revolves around a thermometer, pills, injections, charts, Doctors, ultrasounds, & vials of freshly collected semen with a short life span. .  .

Who knew ovaries could be so painful. . .

Many of the infertiles I've been following have graduated to pregnancy or finalized adoption. . . 

Money. . .

Moral dilemmas. . .

Choosing the sacrifice of NOT pursuing IVF. .  . (when part of me is screaming, a baby at any cost!).

Today I'm 17dpo.  I had FIVE beautiful, ripe follicles 17 days ago.  Today, I got a negative which means not one of those eggs met up with the swimmers.

AF will show any day.   On to another cycle.  Praying this one won't be wrought with disappointment. 

Nice Eggs. . . er. . . Follicles.

My infertile OCD kicked into overdrive yesterday. . . I went in for at scan (CD14) because I wasn't seeing movement on my fertility monitor and I was getting antsy.

The good (great?) news is that I do, in fact, have FIVE follicles ripening up that should ovulate in the next day or two. . . My left is sporting two (24.5mm & 13.4mm) while my right has three (18.5mm, 15.3mm, & 13.9mm).  The best response I've had previously (that we know of, I haven't had a scan every cycle).  S (Dr. Awesome's assistant) said that all five will likely ovulate but all five probably won't be mature enough to fertilize due to the smaller follicle size.