Well, it's glaringly apparent that this cycle has not been a success. Today marks 15 dpo and I tested. Negative. I'm moody, nauseated, crampy and generally BLAH. So, we can safely assume my temp will drop tomorrow and AF will arrive.
I'm tired. I'm tired of timing BD (and denying my DH when he is needing me). I'm tired of charting and watching for the slightest change that could indicate success. I'm tired of checking for cervical fluids and lamenting of the lack of fertile fluid. I'm tired of trying to decipher if my cervix is higher and softer than it was the day before. I'm tired. And I'm moody, did I mention that? Oh. . . and my boobs hurt. Awesome.
I've lost 15 lbs in a little over a month. I'm doing resistance training 4x/week. I've changed my families eating style to Paleo (grain free, we were already a natural eating family). I've broken my sugar and coffee addiction. I'm working to reduce stress and inflammation.
All of this may be a moot point if our issue(s) remain an unfriendly cervix due to past surgery (and therefore cannot be changed) and low sperm count due to daily BD. I'm trying to space BD out to once every 2-3 days from the start of this next cycle until ovulation is confirmed in an attempt to increase the likelihood of getting happy swimmers where they need to be at the right time.
But how darn annoying! We have to have less SEX? What?!?!?! I thought sex made babies. . . sure works for the teenagers. :(
I'm wishing that we could afford IVF. . . I still don't see as how that would ever be a possibility for us. I have three children coming up on braces. . . let's see. . . braces for 3 or 1 round of IVF, what's a responsible Mama to do? That said. . .I do intend to go to an IVF consult in June or July and talk about our options. I do intend to work the numbers every which way possible and see if there is any way we can scramble and make it happen. However, the realistic side of me knows it's not going to be a reality in our world.
Today, I stopped by a Heart Gallery display. I'm mooning over a 4yo and her 7yo brother. They look like they'd be a lovely addition to our family. However, until the inlaws move on in the next year, we don't have room to accommodate two children in those ages. Maybe by Spring, the right children will be avaliable and we will be ready. We do have a 6 bedroom house, but the inlaws have two of the bedrooms, a study, and bathroom that's attached. When that area of the house is avaliable and our 19 yo sister moves out this Fall (she's getting married, but that's another story), then we can shift kids around and we will definitely have room for more littles. And DH and I might even get to move out of the "attic" bedroom. . .
In the meantime, I'm going to keep trying to de-stress. How? Good question. I live with my inlaws, have my slightly obnoxious 19 year old sister in residence, have our 5 children (including their "other" bio parent), and I run a childcare. Yeah. . . no stress. Oh and did I mention that just about every one I know is pregnant. Yeah. . . there's that.
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